Hi KezzB, I honestly think this will last forever. I believe this is who we are now. We will always have that piece of our heart missing and those shattered memories are memories we will never forget. It's only been 3.5 months for me but it feels like yesterday....I have no idea what has happened in 3.5 months. Thinking of you and Layla. Xo

Hello KezzB. I definitely understand the thoughts and memories that you face daily. From what I've gathered and learned thus far in my 5 1/2 month journey of grief after losing my son is that what we've experienced is definitely a major traumatic event and tragic loss which shattered our very existence; therefore, I think it's pretty normal to have constant flashbacks & memories to the "worst day of our life" when we found our children's heart stopped.

From some of the thoughts shared on this page, it's evident that we're all dealing with the devastating loss of not just a child but future dreams attached to that child.

I think about my son everyday and so does my Husband, and I know for sure I think about him multiple times a day and I don't see how that I could ever change because I had a bond with him and had already planned the rest of our lives together, so I thought.

The reason why you're reminded of her is because she was your long awaited precious bundle of joy who's life you had so many hopes & dreams for. She was your daughter and a mother's bond and love ultimately begins sometime during the pregnancy. For some of us, we bond immediately after a positive pregnancy test and for others maybe after the end of the 1st trimester and yet still for others maybe it's when we first feel those tiny quickling movements in our tummy or when we see a heartbeat on the ultrasound. But ultimately, we bond and that's what we as mothers were created to do in order to ensure proper protection and nurturing of our little ones. So you missing your Layla is just more evidence that you successfully bonded with and loved your precious little girl.

I've always wanted kids my whole life and have prayed and prayed for them. But only now after losing my son, do I realize the great price we may pay for ultimately desiring children. And that price is that we love them so strongly and develop such strong ties to them, that if we're unfortunately ever faced with losing them, it's as if a piece of hearts/bodies/souls is taken as well.

So I do believe it's normal to think about your little Layla everyday. Some people are better at staying busy than others and so their minds may get preoccupied more and so less time is spent thinking about certain things. I know often times when I'm having hard times, I reach out to my Psychiatrist and ask about if my coping strategies are normal considering what I've endured. I'm not sure if you were ever able to talk with a professional grief counselor or Psychologist/Psychiatrist after losing Layla, but it may be something you could try and it may actually reassure you that the emotions and feelings you're having are completely normal.

Hugs to you dear.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. We all react and deal with our tremendous loss in different ways. The thing to remember is that you have the loving heart of a mother, regardless of the fact that your precious little one didn't make it. The love of a mother is so strong that even death does not change it. Your baby is in your heart and you will love and cherish her just as any other mother would. Hugs to you!