Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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Problem with my stepson, what should I do?

alimac2009
alimac2009
Well first of all here is my story. Randy (my son) is two years old. His real mother gave him up to his father. When she did have him she neglected him badly. When my fiance and randy moved in with my in laws (before they met me) Randy was eating out of the garbage because he thought he wasnt going to be fed. He had to be served his dinner first or else he thought he wasnt going to get anything. He is a little better now that he eats whenever he wants but he still has this thing where he leaves half eaten food in a hiding spot for later. My in laws found two apples with a bite taken out of them and a few crackers that he threw behind the stove. Im wondering what you think I could do to help him feel like he doesnt need to do this?

Also Iv noticed that daddy spoils him way too much. Daddy doesnt get to watch anything he wants to watch on TV because randy cries "daddy i hate it" and daddy changes it to what he wants to watch. Its just conflicting when I try to step in then he doesnt like to listen to me because Im not a push over like daddy is. Iv tried to tell this to my fiance and he is changing it a little, he's not as easy to push over anymore but still.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't have this experience personally, but in the foster parent classes I took we heard stories about kids who were abused and hid food. Their suggestion was to have a place in the kitchen where there is always "snacks" for the child that he/she can get anytime they want. It doesn't have to be dinner time or anything, but that they have a place for food. The important thing is to make sure it is always full. So you could use a basket in the pantry or fridge that is just for him that he knows he can take anytime. The only catch is that he has to have the food there. If the basket get's empty it won't work, but if there is always food then eventually he'll realize that he will always get to eat.

Oh, if you find food (not 1/2 eatten apples) somewhere then have him take it and put it in his special basket for later. It will take some time, but he'll figure it out eventually.

How old is he? Maybe with the TV you could set aside some time that he gets to choose what he wants to watch and then a time for you and dad. So maybe if there is a favorite show that is family appropriate...he knows that on Tuesdays at 7 you get to watch X show and then Dad gets to pick a time and day where that is what is watched. You guys will have to stick to the schedule for it to possibly work.
alimac2009
alimac2009
He is two, and thanks for the advice. The only problem with that currently is he is living with his grandparents and his aunt and uncle are one and two years older than him that would get into his basket. He will be moving in with me and his father as soon as possible, probably within the next month so when he moves in we will definately give it a shot ;) thanks so much.