In Texas the non-custodial absolutely has to provide clothing.

We had the same issue with my SS's bm and we did try to get it deducted from child support but with no luck. We had decided that it wasn't worth fighting about. We send him home in old clothes from our house and he returns in the same clothes on our next visit. We have even had to supply a coat for him as one time when we were exchanging thru the visitation center it was the dead of winter and right in front of the lady took my SS's coat off and said that we weren't getting her coat. We had no coat in the car for him. We contacted Social Services right away and they refused to document it on their file against BM and told us to go buy a coat for him. So we do and now we don't have to worry about him being cold because she wants to be childish. There comes a time when you have to be the bigger person (it tends to make the X even madder and it could be funny for you to watch).

My ex (the non-custodial) makes a huge issue over this clothing thing. Personally I buy my children clothing for them and if they want to wear them to their Dad's house than that's their business. Worrying weather or not they have clothing is the last thing I want my kids to worry about.

My step son comes every other weekend. He is always wearing ratty clothes and his oldest shoes, we know he has nice things because we have bought them for him. So we have things here he can wear to church, or if we go out somewhere. Sometimes I think she just does it so we will take him out and get him new stuff. But we are onto her tricks already! I will not take him places with us wearing crappy clothes. Also I bought him a new winter coat one day , she sent him in a light hooded sweatshirt. But he is 15 now and also will start pulling this to get new stuff.

Quick question, are you buying new clothes every month? If so, why? Send her back in the same outfit she came in and don't send any of the clothes you buy to her mom's. This whole thing just infuriates me. Do you see her as a visitor in your home? It is her home also and yes she should have clothes at her other home. Just because she is only there 8 days a month, doesn't make it NOT her home. Primary custodial, non-custodial...all this lingo is ridiculous. He is still her PARENT. She didn't ask for her parents to get divorced. I understand he pays support for her needs at her mom's but come on. Put yourself in your child's shoes. I pick up clothes for my SD's whenever I see something I think they would like just like I do with my own. Those clothes stay at our house. Some of them never get worn but that is ok becuase the girls still see it as their clothes at their other home and they don't feel like they are there for "visitation" they are simply staying at their other house.

Sorry for unleashing in this post but time and time again I feel like these children are simply referred to more like visitors in our lives that just come and go. 2 weekends a month, two nights a week or one day a month they are still someones child.

And I know in many cases the child support is enough to suck the bank accounts dry, i know it does for us, but that is not the childs fault and they still have needs. And if one parent isn't doing it support or not the other parent needs to step up and take care of the child.

I will now take a step down from my soap box, :) and really please no offense to the poster or other postees, the topic just struck a chord.

To Reply #20: I can see this is a sensitive topic to you- but mearly a question regarding customary behavior. Of course the child is not going without cloths and has what she needs! That is first and foremost. It is unfortunate that they have to make so many adjustments. I was mearly looking for ideas how other families with step children handle the situation. I might add that it does take time to bond with a child and from a step-mom point of view this does not happen right away from seeing a child 8 days a month. Although she is not a "visitor" the non-bio parent has to develop a committment and affection for the child and has more struggles with that then the bio parent in my opinion. Frankly early on she felt more like a "visitor" and I don't feel guilty about saying that. Just because you get married to someone doesn't mean you are going to instantly love their child. I think you are committing to help raise the child and develop a relationship with them that is respectful and can develop that bond and hopefully love them as your own. This is coming from someone who currently does not have her own bio children. I currently don't feel like she's a "visitor" but that has taken quite a while to develop and I think step - parents should not be ashamed to admit it! Now - I'll get off my soap-box!