Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
Hi everyone, I just joined this group and wanted to introduce myself. I'm Lisa and technically I'm not a stepmother yet but I know it will come in time. I am dating a man for over a year now and he has full custody of his two children son(11) and daughter (9). Now I say I'm not technically a stepmom because we are not married or really living together but we do live directly across the hall from each other in an apartment building and we tend to use our two places as one big home... so we are together most of the time. I keep my place because i'm not ready to give up my space just yet and I do sleep at my own place except when the kids go to visit their mom eowe.
I have a really good relationship with the kids. We do things together as a family all the time, we eat dinner together every night (the kids love this as they didn't do this before me) and I help sd with her homework but so far I just can't handle being with them all the time. I'm a bit worried about taking the relationship with SO any further right now as I think I would lose my mind if I couldn't escape across the hall for some peace now and then.
One of my biggest issues is discipline. Ever since I met SO last year he has told me to go ahead and correct or discipline the children as if they were my own (my 4 are grown and gone). He is not passing off discipline to me; he still does 95% of the childcare and discipline but if he's not around or, and here's the problem, if he doesn't correct them when he's right there with them I step in and look after the situation. I feel like I'm the 'bad guy' and I don't want to be the evil stepmother but sometimes he sees them do something they shouldn't do and he does nothing about it. I can't just sit and watch the kids act up without doing something. He says he lets some things slide because he doesn't want to be always growling them. But if he doesn't correct problem behaviors they will continue and the kids think its ok. Drives me nuts!
Anyway didn't mean to get into a rant. I hope to find friends here who can relate to what I'm dealing with and I will do my best to support others as well.
Take care,
Lisa
I have a really good relationship with the kids. We do things together as a family all the time, we eat dinner together every night (the kids love this as they didn't do this before me) and I help sd with her homework but so far I just can't handle being with them all the time. I'm a bit worried about taking the relationship with SO any further right now as I think I would lose my mind if I couldn't escape across the hall for some peace now and then.
One of my biggest issues is discipline. Ever since I met SO last year he has told me to go ahead and correct or discipline the children as if they were my own (my 4 are grown and gone). He is not passing off discipline to me; he still does 95% of the childcare and discipline but if he's not around or, and here's the problem, if he doesn't correct them when he's right there with them I step in and look after the situation. I feel like I'm the 'bad guy' and I don't want to be the evil stepmother but sometimes he sees them do something they shouldn't do and he does nothing about it. I can't just sit and watch the kids act up without doing something. He says he lets some things slide because he doesn't want to be always growling them. But if he doesn't correct problem behaviors they will continue and the kids think its ok. Drives me nuts!
Anyway didn't mean to get into a rant. I hope to find friends here who can relate to what I'm dealing with and I will do my best to support others as well.
Take care,
Lisa
If you are not for sure about being a full time stepmom, I would suggest that you wait longer until you are sure. I do understand wanting to escape to your own space.
Hope to get to know you better
I always feel like I need to do something to "fix" this, but it's hard when my husband doesn't back me up. I am trying to look the other way & focus on my own daughter (who's almost 2). At least I know she will be brought up properly.
And as a side note, I agree with krsnow36...make sure you're ready to take this on full-time! I sometimes wonder what my life could have been like if I had run screaming instead of "saving" my husband from the life he had before me. (But then I remind myself how much I do love him, our daughter & our life together.)