Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
He told me today he can't support my needs, he thinks there is no positive light at the end of the tunnel. He said he's can't live without intimacy, but when i suggested he slow down his transition so I can process, he said that frustrates him
I can't stand to touch him when he shaves his arms and chest, I can't stand to hug him when he has on a bra, yet I am the bad guy
I am at a total loss
Why is he torturing me like this
I try to stay neutral, but my lack of response is hurtful too.
It's hard when the changes are unwelcome and unfamiliar.
Each touch can be a serious psychological and emotional trip.
Maybe over time the acceptance will be there.
"As for walking around pretending everything is okay" - sometimes it's necessary to act "normal". Sometimes these efforts create "normal" and are no longer an act. They are all ways of coping and he needs to understand that.
What I'd consider is this:
I remember you from the first months when I was on here a while back. Have you adapted to any element of this transition yet? Are you able to be attracted to your spouse with ANY element of transition in place?
Because you may want to ask yourself if you will EVER be able to be attracted to a female spouse, and what that will mean long term.
Remember: it's ok to want a sex life you actually enjoy. And, you shouldn't have to force yourself to be attracted to anybody.
You are allowed to have feelings, and needs.
Also remember however: your spouse may be miserable enough where waiting around is less and less feasible as time goes by. Or at least, not without losing it.
I can see how your spouse might be frustrated with slowing the process down. Like, I can see how your spouse might not want to stop shaving or stop wearing a bra, particularly if these things make him feel really good.
I don't want to tell you what to do, but I am proud of you for clearly stating what you want and what would work for you. Like, some days I remember that I suggested to my spouse that we could still have a kid together--but live separately or get divorced at a later date. But my spouse declined both these choices, which, hey, that's his right. He has also proposed some solutions to me which I've declined.