Hi YS. If I may, I'd like to share my perspective on your last point. I know that some TGs ultimately do not transition because of the cost of losing close relationships; for others, it's the fact that no matter how far they transition, they recognize that they will never reach their destination (i.e., to be a woman vs. a trans woman), so will never be satisfied, so why go down that road? It's not so much that they have decided to go back to being cis, but more about the ultimate cost of actual transition and whether they are prepared to pay that price. Thank you.

I think there are many more trans or gender fluid people than we think. The vast majority probably never even admit it to themselves, let alone to anyone else. Especially the older generation. I don't even think my partner would have admitted it, if it wasn't for the internet, to be honest. He wouldn't have even questioned it, if he hadn't read things, probed, heard of people like Caitlyn Jenner etc. I also think there are many many who will never transition, due to the reasons Arianwen stated above. I think what is holding my partner back in many ways is knowing he will never actually BE a woman. He feels safer being mostly androgynous, leaving people guessing.
If he couldn't have got his therapy/clothes/prescriptions etc online, I honestly don't think he'd have done anything. He would never have dared walk into a women's lingerie department and bought things, even if he was pretending it's for his wife. He'd never try on women's clothing in a changing room. If anything, he probably would have just been one of those guys who secretly wears their wive's clothes, and that would have been it. But I suppose that would also mean that he'd never find his true self, his peace etc, which would make me sad.
I tend to think most of the people who use the forums are the 'loud and proud' ones. The quiet, subtle ones tend to avoid them. My partner will NEVER post on a forum - he did once, got put off and deleted his account very quickly. He just doesn't relate to anyone on there.

My spouse also has had a hard time coming up with things to explore when the therapist prods. So far it feels like everything he has done was instigated by me. As soon as I suggested anything, he would jump on board. But I got tired of having to be the one to initiate everything. I mean, it is HIS journey, right? And our therapist says I put far more work into this than he does. So we are a bit at a stagnant moment.

So if the limbo is driving you crazy you could always see if he is more comfortable experimenting at your suggestion. On the plus side, you will have more control over the experiments being things you can live with.

Good luck. We are here for you. <3

I feel you, YS. My spouse is still going back and forth. It's really surprising to me because all the trans literature and people I know never talked about that. It really drives me crazy, but I'm trying to get into a better place about it, trying to figure out what my needs are.

I mean, I acknowledge that the situation is tough. Trying to cram like 20 years of identity building into a year or two sounds really overwhelming. That said, I can't deny who I am and what my needs are. Lately I've been thinking about it as if we were deciding to get married. Like, say we had been dating for 4 years and my spouse still wasn't sure if he wanted to get married. And at that point I would say, "Well I do and if you don't know after 4 years then that's a no and I'm leaving this relationship."

It's ok to not know, but it's not something I want to build our relationship on. That's me and my needs/boundaries.

Are we married to the same person. This is my life lol

hi yes fully understand you,ive been with my partner 24 yrs,3 sons,i dont know how many times hes thrown womens clothes out,saying i mean more to him than this.i thought he was a cross dresser,or had a fetish,he went for years without it,but thats what he told me,hes now 45,and has chose his life,i know he will never go thru the whole transition,unless he moves away from family and freinds,one thing for sure is there is no cure,and the older they get,its stronger,look at bruce jenner.take carexx

When my spouse came out to me, she told me that she has bought and purged women's clothes many times over our more than 2 decades together. As she got older though, the compulsion to dress up just became greater and greater until it could not be ignored. Also, what started as just wanting to underdress became wanting to wear gender neutral clothing around the house, then out of the house, etc., Eventually satisfaction with each step would dwindle and she would have to do more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it got to a point where dressing and living as a woman took precedence over what other thought, felt, or said. It was a compulsion that she could not control -- like drugs or alcohol or something.

if you have a bit of understanding of the psychology of transsexuals, there is a site thats dedicated to it :
http://www.annelawrence.com

it may be a bit technical for some but she knows trans very well. angela seems to know the cor-relationship between cross dressing and the onset of later life transsexualism

according to Dr. Anne Lawrence, late onset sexual dysphoria, can arise from the act of crossdressing and the sexual high it creates it can become a compulsion, i agree with this to an extent, in my own case it was sort of true but the orgin of the desire to crossdress stemed from an inner desire to be a woman long before i ever crossdressed , but when i did i felt this sexual rush but that is no longer the case to where i am now. since i no longer have a normal level of testosterone, this turn on went away. now its only the desire left. i will tell you right now there is a very big difference how women think and feel then men , i understand them both very well. as far as your partner is concerned , i understand his reluctance, when your young and have a job with peer pressure your desire isn't great enough at that at that point, you need a very strong character and a very large amount of confidence to do it. i have done it, wish i done it sooner then i did, but my life partner was my greatest concern, i loved her very much and i compromised with her. but she died and i never was a man ever again. now that i'm on hormones for a while , i'll tel you this with 100% certainty that i will some day die and ill be a woman then and ill be laid to rest as a woman. being a woman was what i was destined to be.

My partner is not and has never been a crossdresser. I'm glad you're happy now. I don't think that this is the right forum for you.