We haven't told family yet, however I am pushing very hard for that to happen quickly. We have been at this for over 2 years and I have only had a handful of people I can lean on.

How does your spouse feel about you telling your family? Does she want to be a part of the discussion?

Through a couples counseling session we decided that it is my spouse's secret to tell and I will be there to help out and offer my emotional support when he tells family. He had to write a letter that his therapist revised with him many times and then he had to read it to me to prepare. That letter happened this time last year. I finally told him I don't really believe in ultimatums, however if he isn't out soon I am going to have to leave. It is emotionally toxic for me to have this secret and keep it hidden from the people I love and that support us.

My partner doesn't want to be there when I tell them and he is terrified that they will make me leave her. My partner is on hormones but doesn't live fully as a woman yet. I want to tell them because it's so hard keeping it a secret and not having support. I know I will have to tell them at some point but just don't know how/when to do it.

To me, it was important that my spouse be able to tell our families. I feel like it's his secret to tell and if this is something he wants he needs to be able to express that to people. However, since your situation is a little different my best advice is be kind and understanding that they will have a lot of questions. It is ok to set boundaries within those questions too. For instance, our therapist had us write a letter and something she strongly suggested we put in there was that we are ok answering questions, however there are some that are inappropriate and we will not discuss. For instance, whether bottom surgery will take place. Perhaps a letter would work for you too? That way if you cry or break down you can just read from your letter? And they will be less likely to interrupt until you are done saying what you need to say.

That's a great idea, thank you. I will write it tonight. I feel like there will be lots of tears from me even though I have accepted my partner's transition, it will be a huge relief not to hide it from my family any more

Amen! My spouse said he would like to tell everyone before his birthday, which is the 27th of this month. I got so excited to not hide anymore I cried happy tears. I need my family and friends support through this.

Let me know how it goes. I find it's all the guess work of what they will say etc when they find out. Good luck to you and your partner

Family could surprise you. My spouse's family is uber conservative, Christian, yet she was met with nothing but love. They have not reached out to me at all though, and I really love my in laws, so that has been hard. I get it though. My spouse is their main concern. My family was different, and it isn't that my family isn't loving or supportive. It is that my family's first concern is me - not my spouse, and all they saw was that I was hurting like I had never hurt before. I'm sure you, and your well-being, will be their main concern as well, and what all this means for YOU. That means you get to set the rules. If you tell them, they are allowed to ask questions but not speak negatively towards your partner because you still love him, they will hopefully, respect that.

Something you said in an earlier post concerns me though. You said your partner is terrified that they will make you leave her. They can suggest, beg, plead, etc, but they can't MAKE you leave. You know that, right? :)

Good luck to you as well. I will look forward to hearing how yours goes as well. Are you family typically open-minded?

I think so but no idea really. Will let you know how it goes x