Wow. I totally understand. I have hung in for 8 years now. Intimacy is gone and I have no interest. I stopped wearing my wedding ring about 2 years ago. He doesn't want to be a husband. I refer to him as my spouse. We are more like friends/roommates. I'm not able to leave financially and I have been with him so many years, I am also a bit afraid of being on my own. I have thought of leaving at times. It is scary. I always wonder if I am better off with him or without him.....For now, I am sticking with him. We'll see what the future brings....I'm thinking of you.

I have been stuck in a sexless marriage for 4 years now. It was seeing him in full drag that killed any intimate feelings I had for him. We too exist as roommates.

I didn't stick it out that long. I was about to turn 50, and the thought of starting over was scary and daunting. I hadn't worked in almost 20 years, so really no real world work experience. My spouse made good money and there was no way I would be able to make even a quarter of that salary. However, the only thing that was keeping her from dressing full time at home was our children. As soon as they knew or left for college, all bets were off. All I could envision was my spouse living full time as a woman, and it got to a point where the idea of staying was worse than the unknown of leaving. Plus, I figured starting over at 50 would be easier than starting over at 60.

Then I thought of my kids. What kind of example was I setting for them in staying in a relationship in which I was so unhappy. I would want them to be happy and start over. I would want them take a chance on love and happiness.

Finally, I thought of my faith. Probably the single most important thing in my life. It is my guiding light, my anchor, and my hope. The sexless, loveless marriage was not a true reflection of Christ's love for His church, and so many of my friends were in unhappy marriages, that I began to question that faith. I thought if this is a true reflection than I really want no part of it. I spent I lot of time reading about marriage and what it is supposed to mean and represent. I also started reading about reasons to end a marriage. And because I really believe that Christ was in my marriage, I began asking His permission to be released from it. Eventually, I feel I was released. I finally had peace about leaving the relationship. That was when I asked my spouse to move out. However, I wasn't until I let go of my anger that I felt it was okay to walk away, so when I did ask her to leave, I was able to do so without anger, bitterness, or resentment. Now, I do still feel those things occasionally, but they are not constant the way they used to be.

Anyway, it is a highly personal decision -- to stay or go. I wish you peace in your decision.

My spouse is not out full time yet and our sex life has been very bad in the past, however seemed to pick up once he was feeling better about himself and saw hope in the situation (that I might stay). If this changes it will have to be a big discussion for us. I don't think I can live in a sexless marriage again, it was hard enough during the depression years when I didn't know what was going on. A decision will have to be made. I have heard of couples that stay together for financial reasons but "approve" of each other finding sex outside the marriage....I'm not sure how I feel about that for us. It's not the marriage I always envisioned, but neither is being married to a woman.

Similar situation to 19years here. Partner 7 weeks on hormones, we are still having (good) sex, but we too went through a very bad patch - 2 years with no intimacy - and I really thought he didn't love me any more or something and it was very depressing. Once I discovered his secret, our sex life was resurrected, and we are discovering new ways of lovemaking too. I really don't want to lose that, as it is one of the few positives in all this. He also doesn't want to lose it.
We are getting on in years too, I'm 60 this year, and the thought of starting again, or even having sex with anyone else fills me with horror. We are determined to stay together, but it's going to take a lot of hard work, and compromise, from both of us.
Sending love to you all.

I totally understand! My ex and I spent 8yrs together, last year is when this first came up and he tried to supress it, but the depression got even worse. Our sex life is very low for a lot of our relationship, there will be times we have sex often to nothing for months and then I fall into a depression like he doesn't love me or I'm not good enough anymore. My ex is at the very start no hormones yet just dressing /shaving etc. I'm okay with it, it's emotionally still hard to deal with because we went from being engaged to broken up and on/off again for a year. But when I see myself investing my life into this casual fwb situation just makes me see the Long of it not working out. I dont want to be with a women, I'm not attracted to women, but I'm coming out at the bad person here because I don't even want to try after spending 8 years with him. When I try invison him as a full out women, it makes me cry because I love everything about him now.

Is it that harsh that I dont want to stay and try to see if things can work between us thoughout his transition? Is it that selfish?

He's even said he has seen couples who have only been together 3yrs give it a try, but after 8yrs I don't want to because I feel it will just prolong the pain for later and in turn would hurt even more..

Hats off to all of you for trying and sticking it though. I told him that I would be there for every surgery and healing process and finically help along the way because I care about there happiness.

You all are so strong!

Misslissa - I don't think any decision you make will make you a "bad person". You didn't call him names and run out, so you have already done more then some women in our shoes.

I think the decision to stay was because I am not turned off by the idea of boobs or women. I've kissed women before, just never had sex with one. I did tell him that a penis is a big deal to me and I don't have any want to get intimate with a vagina. The thought of him being that woman still upsets me and I cry a lot, but I'm not disgusted by some parts of being with a woman.

If you aren't like that and can't be with a woman or handle the breasts, the makeup and all that it's ok too. If we have to respect their authentic selves then they need to respect our authentic selves. You did not sign up for sex and a life with a woman. They should be understanding of that, as difficult as that may be.

Did not realize so many others going through the nitty gritty of it.
I have accepted that my spouse needs to do this. I know this was NOT a choice.

My problem is that I am attracted to men and well when breasts started forming I lost any interest.
With her anyway.
I would still love to meet a man and that is on my bucket list.

So I continue to live my life as authentically as possible. That is what my spouse is trying to do as well.



But if their authenticity is going out and about as a woman my going out sans wedding ring is authentic.
Or so I tell myself.

The hard part here is that his age and medical status may end our marriage naturally. So I am kind of waiting around.
Time will certainly tell.
But I will not pass up an encounter because of the marriage .

Just sayin’