Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
So a thought occurred to me: We all take a lot of hell thanks to this experience, and we take it on multiple fronts. Some of this is due to ours, and other people's upbringing. For example:
1. Society doesn't seem to acknowledge that married cis women have a sexuality, and sexual deprivation is just as bad for us as it is for anybody else. We need to teach the young people in our lives that they're allowed to have a sexuality, and when utilized responsibly, this is nothing to be ashamed of.
b. Shaming a woman into undertaking a life of celibacy/ permanent sexual disatisfaction is WRONG. Shaming a woman into thinking her sexuality is supposed to flex to accommodate a spouse on demand is wrong. If she can, and wants to do this, bravo for all! But if she can't, or doesn't want to, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with her! People need to learn this as well.
2. There are people on this forum who have made serious sacrifices, in multiple areas of their lives, to accommodate their spouses needs. Somebody willingly turning their life totally upside down for the sake of another deserves appreciation. Not sure why people think it's ok to trash people doing exactly that. That needs to stop. Worship not necessary, acknowledgement and appreciation of sacrifices is. But then I don't see myself as having sacrificed as much as some of you folks. I tried, but she made so many other problems I couldn't stay married through it.
3. Nobody should get away with being mean to their partner, or ex partner! Self defense is NOT the same as being nasty for whatever random reason! Tired of seeing this/ experiencing this. Doesn't matter what categorization you fall into! Still have to maintain minimum level of behavior towards a partner/ ex partner! Somehow this gets lost in the shuffle, and disappointing that adults don't seem to know this! How to train this out of the population though?
4. more should be on this list- anybody?
I could go on and on about everything you said, I'll just leave it with the thought that I find myself relating to movie/TV depictions of gay men in the 50s and 60s, with society just telling them to suck it up, marry/ stay married to the person they aren't attracted to, and if you just try hard enough you should will somehow be cured of not being attracted to who you are "supposed" to be.
5. Sacrificing for others and putting others before ourselves is okay. The problem comes when that isn't being reciprocated. When that happens, it is okay to make yourself a priority - even above your SO.
6. As a society, we need to stop assigning characteristics, traits, emotions, etc. as male or female. Maybe, just maybe, if we could do that, people could be their "authentic" selves without being made to feel there is something wrong with them or they were born in the wrong body.
I think a lot of it is we are so rare, and most people are familiar with and make their assumptions based on the idea that transgender people are single when undergoing transition. I wonder if most professionals are trained under this assumption. And then there are those who want to make us a spectacle! They are both annoying.
The only problem is, getting people to acknowledge this list of needs
"But, my therapist asked who was making me a priority? And the answer was "nobody," so I don't need to feel guilty about putting my needs first because I am the only one looking out for me."