Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

562 Members
660 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Spouses of Transgender Support Group

Not supportive. Don't know how to

TrishMica
TrishMica

I just don't know how to be supportive. I keep hurting my spouse by showing how upset I am about all of this. How do you be supportive? Should I just hide my hurt and act like everything is fine? They keep saying that if I really loved them id be supportive and that hurts

gallinarosa
gallinarosa
Resentment and lack of trust are hard to deal with. I think it would be easier to deal with if you weren't trying to preserve the relationship. Pure forgiveness might be something you can achieve and something that you do for yourself to move on. But there are other parts that are harder to let go of. For the longest time, I thought I had some over-the-top sense of justice -- like I needed my spouse to repent or something. I know it is preventing me from moving forward and I have been worried that I am just being spiteful. But after many talks with the therapist, I realize it is deeper than that. For one, I just need for someone to bear witness to what I have been through. It has been traumatic for me (not strictly the transgender part, but all the things he did (to me) in trying to deal with the extreme dysphoria). Having him bear witness is part of my healing and more importantly, part of the relationship's healing. Pretending none of it happened makes me carry the weight of it all alone and makes me feel unseen.

The other part is that I have to know that he understands the past so that I can feel secure that it won't happen again. I know there are no promises or absolutes, but I cannot live with this level of trust for much longer.

Sadly, I think the resentment follows you unless you can work through it all -- together.
Cora
Cora
MuseumMeg, I think it's hard to accept someone if they can't tell you who they are. Because who are you accepting exactly? It's like the basic premise of a relationship. Who are you and who am I and would we work well as a couple?