My husband is currently just on finastride for hair loss, which does have a t blocker in it and he is already growing breasts. Small buds right now, but they are there and somewhat noticeable, at least to me. That is why I said no to hormones until he is out with our family and friends. As for the sex stuff, I could be open to a strap-on, I guess, however I'm not sure how I feel about some of the other sexual activities that go on in a lesbian relationship. It's something we still are discussing. And thank goodness we are done with growing our family, or that would be hard to take in a married relationship.

I have a Mohawk and have always been different, so I have gotten a little of that lesbian assumption and judgment before. I have had very dear friends say when are you growing your hair, you look like a dyke. First of all, we are no longer friends. Second, why does that matter if you are my friend? Anyway, I'm sure those comments will get worse when this goes full time.

Sending hugs to you all. Hope your day is going ok!

Just Tired, I am glad you found us. I am fairly new to this site, but not new to this struggle. I have been dealing with it for nearly seven years. For a long time, I was alone and confused. I adored my husband of over 45 years but found the new person was someone I didn't like very much and definitely had no desire for. But I also took my marriage vows seriously and didn't want to be alone. So I worked very hard to search into my heart and soul to try and find an answer. I finally found a wonderful therapist who has helped me come to grips with all my feelings and doubts, both in myself and my new relationship with my old spouse. Talking with my spouse was critical, too. I still have bad times but they are getting fewer and farther apart. My spouse has been on hormones for a long time and now has a body I wish I had. I still miss parts of our old life, but our new life is becoming much more fulfilling and happier than I ever thought possible. So there is hope. It is all a new learning process. We had a very active and fulfilling sex life. It took a while to get used to the new way of doing things. But there are things about the new ways that are better. I still miss the old parts, but as things improve, so does my outlook. I am still in love with the person inside. I am not a lesbian but I am still a loving and understanding wife. In my mind, she will always be my husband, just in a different form. She is okay with that, so I am okay with that. We will celebrate our 50 years of marriage next month. In fact, we will renew our vows. She now has all the legal paperwork showing she is a female, so on our anniversary, I will show my love and support by renewing those wedding vows with her. It is a long, hard and ongoing struggle at times but being able to talk about it to others who have gone through it helps immensely. Everyone's struggle is different. Mine is happy right now. Good luck and hang in there. Hopefully, yours will be, too.

@Pens, you just gave me chills. With all the doubt that goes through my mind daily and all the ways this can turn on us, your post gives me strength and hope. I love my spouse more then anything and some days I think this could work and others I can't stand who he is becoming, the "other woman". Thank you for sharing your experience and your husband/wife is a lucky person to have you.

a man with boobs using a strap on is not the same thing as making love to my husband, and it never will be.

Pens, it is always good to hear stories of couples who can weather this storm.

Good morning! My husband is on estradiol and finesteride. I think I misspelled those...he now has breasts, soft skin, and shrinkage! Haha! He is looking into facial feminization surgery. I smile and support the changes, but on the inside it is killing me. I just don't know...we are taking it one day at a time. Sex, and any affection is void. I am not attracted to "her". He does try, but I just can't. I know I should get over myself, but, I am supposed to be the woman, the one on the pedestal, the pretty one...now, it's all about the transition. He has said that he won't have bottom surgery...but who knows?
Thank you all for the responses and different perspectives.

'One question and excuse my ignorance. Isn't taking hormones considered transitioning? I was under the impression that hormones was the biggest step next to bottom surgery? '

From what I understand, any change is considered transitioning. Hormones are a MAJOR step though, but from what I've heard, the majority of transwomen DON'T have bottom surgery. Many have orchidectomies from what I know, but not GRS. My partner says he has no intention of doing anything down here. He is actually very fond of his penis and testicles.

JustTired - Is your spouse doing any therapy to go along with his transition? This seems to be a big step because it helps them process any trauma from growing up and helps them prepare for the emotions and changes the hormones bring. Those hormones also make them like a teenage girl for awhile from what I have heard, however the emotional instability and selfishness aren't permanent. My spouse keeps telling me he understands that transitioning is a selfish thing, and he will do his best to think of me throughout and communicate with me. I am working on getting better at speaking up when I think it's all about him. Perhaps if your spouse got better at communicating with you and showing you the affection you need the sex would improve. Sending you hugs!

Sylph - My husband says he won't do bottom surgery "for me". Which I appreciate, although from what I hear hormones take a toll on their libido, so we are looking into alternative options while that is going on. I really thought it would be a deal breaker for me if he had bottom surgery. I guess we will see what the future brings. He told me he doesn't mind his penis, but he HATES the testicles with a passion.

Sylph, my husband feels exactly the same way about his man parts too

JustTired - 'Sex, and any affection is void. I am not attracted to "her". He does try, but I just can't.' Yes, this is exactly how I feel too - I love him but I just can't get the image of him as her out of my head. I've been surprised at how this feeling has been becoming stronger as the months have gone by. My desire is non-existent now, even though his is not.
I always wonder if he wants to have sex with me because he loves me or because he feels like he should. Or because he wants to touch and feel the parts he wants to have himself?

Pens, I am very glad that's it has worked out for you and your partner. I have tried the approach of it being my husband in a different form but failed. Congratulations on your 50 years - the way things are I doubt that my spouse and I will get to that milestone :(

My spouse keeps telling me that he has no problem keeping his bottom "as is" for me, however since coming out he doesn't seem to want to use it. There is foreplay and touching, but no penetration. It's upsetting for me. He isn't on hormones yet and this is already a problem. What will happen when he starts them? I don't mind if people think I'm in a lesbian relationship as long as I still have a penis at home. And a strap on just isn't the same.

He hasn't come out publically yet, so he is still presenting as male and in bed still looks like a man...for now. He does have little breast buds, which I don't mind right now. It would be nice to have sex with my husband without the 3rd party though.

My first time in the group, just don't know where to turn. My husband told me after 30 years of marriage that he had always wanted to be a woman. We have now been married 42 years. I told him I would not stay with him as a woman but would help him transition if that's what he wanted. We tried the dressing up for sex and me putting on his makeup, he would change into his female life when he could at home. But I was unhappy with this, so the sex stopped and we have just plodded on since. But things seem to be changing, he is emotionally withdrawn, he spends lots of time on his phone messaging and guards and never goes anywhere without it. He looks at me with such distain, that I actually recoil from it. I have asked and asked, practically begged but he will not open up to me. Anyone got any advice?

Zulu - From what my spouse has told me things like putting makeup on once or dressing up for sex would be a temporary release from the dysphoria and then it would build again and he would get very depressed and suicidal. At first when we began this journey he though under dressing and shaving would be enough forever. 2 years later and it is no longer enough, the dysphoria/depression is back. I wonder if I told him I was leaving if he continued if he would back paddle and then hate me for it? It's a question that is always in my mind. Do you know who your spouse is messaging/talking to on the phone? Does he/she see a therapist or have someone to talk to?

Good morning! My husband just left the doctor's office. He is now on SIX mg of estradiol!! He said they upped the dosage due to him no longer taking Spironolactone. (Sp). I am not sure how I feel about this...my first thought was F**K! WHY??

Why did he stop the spiro? My partner is only on estrogen patches, no anti-androgens at my request, which he agrees with. Do you know what the increased dosage will do?