Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
At the beginning of December, my wife confessed to me that she was transgendered and wanted to become a man. She explained that she always had problems dealing with being female since she was a girl. This was something she shared with me when we first met, but over the years she seemed to enjoy being a woman and my wife. So yes, in a way I felt blindsided. I also knew my marriage was over. The woman I loved for 14 years, wants to become a man and I’m not bisexual or gay. I thought she was happy being my wife. She told me because of my love for her she feels free to make the change into becoming a man.
I want to be on my own, but we agreed to stay together until we each can live financially independent. She sometimes says she might change her mind, but I know that’s not going to happen. I know when my wife sets her mind on something she’s going through with it. Making the transition to become male is no different.
I’m doing what I need to do to move on. I hold no hate or anger toward my wife. But I must say I’m just tired of the emotional blandness. Some days are better than others. I find going to the gym helps. I’ll be working out even more. I know better things are going to happen for me. However, how does one hand the emotional weariness along with being part of a platonic marriage?
I want to be on my own, but we agreed to stay together until we each can live financially independent. She sometimes says she might change her mind, but I know that’s not going to happen. I know when my wife sets her mind on something she’s going through with it. Making the transition to become male is no different.
I’m doing what I need to do to move on. I hold no hate or anger toward my wife. But I must say I’m just tired of the emotional blandness. Some days are better than others. I find going to the gym helps. I’ll be working out even more. I know better things are going to happen for me. However, how does one hand the emotional weariness along with being part of a platonic marriage?
I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. When my ex, who was a crossdresser (and very fetishistic about it), let me in on his little secret, years into our marriage, I wasn't angry either. In fact, after a while, I just shut down, emotionally. That probably was what kept me sane through all the denials, rationalizations, and escalation.
I know that my story is very different from yours, but I think that you are probably caught up in the same BS propaganda that I was. We, as partners, are somehow expected to treat this development as a tiny little glitch that really should have no big impact on us. But it does, and it SHOULD. We are people who have our own sexualities, which are every bit as sacred to us as the sexualities of our partners are to them. We are NOT judgmental or prejudiced if we cannot stay in a committed relationship with someone who is changing their gender. It is NOT a case of, "If you really loved me, you would accept me as I truly am". These are not acquaintances, whose sexual identity or orientation are not our concern. They are our partners.
I am glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself...keep it up! Things WILL get better. It sounds like you have distanced yourself from your partner, which is probably what is necessary to get through this limbo period. You don't have to get angry or bitter, but just take care that you don't withdraw from emotions altogether. I didn't find my anger until years after I found out - and it was actually a good thing. It opened me up to all my other emotions, because I had shut down everything in my attempt to cope with my altered reality. In looking back, I was severely depressed, but struggling so hard to keep my head above water, that I didn't even realize it.
Just know that there are people out here that have made it through this. You will gain your enjoyment of life again...and until you do, you are doing what you can to set yourself up for a good life, physically, mentally, and financially.
Hang in there gealtay!
I am so sorry for your Limbo. Life should be about all the other hurdles and mountains we have to climb and not this.
Sometimes its just a matter of remaining true to ourselves to get us through.
When my spouse first came out to me, I was devastated. I likened it to an earthquake. Part of that impact was that I was questioning myself. Who am I if he is she?
Since then, I have come to know that whoever my spouse is, does not define me.
My spouse does not define me.
I define me.
I decide who I am.
Yes, I am supportive of my spouse in whatever path s(he) chooses to take but I do not have to walk that same path. And his(her) path does not predetermine mine. I get to choose who I am.
Hope this helps.