Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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ChrissieJ 03/22/2019

Its been a bit over a year now since we broke up. Next month marks both 2 years since I found out and what would have been our 6th year anniversary. I actually found out on the night of our 4th year anniversary.

I took a job in a town half way across the state and left before people really started finding out about my ex's transition.

Life is very different now. I got to have the chance to start over completely fresh. I have new friends and a new boyfriend... but sometimes I just get blow over by this overwhelming sense of loss.

I was with my ex from the ages of 18 to 23. We'd planned to have a life together. But in the end we just weren't compatible. I couldn't do it. I tried but I wasnt strong enough to handle it.

I don't regret the choices I made. They were the right ones for me. But I still get sad about it from time to time. I think this sense of loss will be with me forever. Its tough because no one can really understsnd or relate. It wasn't a normal break up. I still care deeply about my ex. I don't know how you fully move on from something like this.

gallinarosa 03/22/2019

Good to hear from you again ChrissieJ! It is both wonderful and sad news. The "new life" sounds great... just depressing to know that you can never fully run away as I am sure some of us daydream about it at times as a form of release.

Do you share this past history with people from your new life?

Cora 03/22/2019

It's good to hear from you ChrissieJ! *hugs*

hurtdeeply 03/22/2019

I have wanted to run away, but have not pulled it off. I am nearing the end of my career. It will be hard to find a job in another town that pays as well, especially at my age. He needed some of our nest egg to buy a condo, so I cannot retire early. ... I have given up Facebook so I don't have to see comments and answer questions. That is a bit of running away. I am not certain that it is possible to get away completely. When you meet new people, they often ask about your spouse.

There should be something like witness protection for spouses of transgenders.

MuseumMeg 03/23/2019

It's a grieving process and grieving can take a very long time. I'm glad you made decisions that are right for you and that you feel good about them. You need to take care of yourself much like your ex is doing. Stay strong and enjoy the new chapter in your life.

Goldie22 03/24/2019

Thanks for posting how you are feeling. It takes strength to stay with a spouse is transitioning and it takes strength to recognize that your own needs are not being met in the relationship and to leave. I am starting to recognize the heartache in both staying and leaving. I find that the spouses who stay married are more often the ones willing to share than the ones who leave, and I truly appreciate you sharing how you are doing. I wish all the strength to keep moving forward and to find joy in life and peace with your past.

1newstart 03/25/2019

Hi Chrissie. It is good to hear an update from you.

Although you have started over, have you considered seeing a therapist? You have experienced loss, and a good therapist can help you process everything so that you can truly move forward and on with the rest of your life.

Also, please consider changing your mindset. Please don't consider yourself weak (or weaker) for leaving. I don't think those who stay are "stronger" than those who leave or vice versa. Every situation is different. You were strong enough to do what was right for you and that will look different than someone who was strong enough to stay because that was the right choice for her.

And that is really what it is all about.... we all have to look at our own situation and into our own centers and decide what is best for ourselves and our families. We have to decide what we are willing to compromise on and what we aren't. We need to look to the future and decide if we are on a path that will bring joy and peace or we need to change paths. And we all have to walk our own path, and only you know which one is best for you. So, please don't think you aren't strong for walking away.

InaQuandary 03/28/2019

Hi Chrissie,

I’m glad you posted an update. I don’t think you were weak at all for leaving. It takes strength to leave the life you know and start fresh, you had no idea what you were getting into. Just as it takes strength to stay, in which you had an idea of what you’re getting into.

I gain strength from reading posts where the cis partner was able to carry on and get back on her feet, whether leaving or staying. It gives me hope because to think that I have to live the rest of my life in this state of stress and limbo is so depressing. I’m in the process right now of trying to decide what is best. Thanks for sharing.
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Otta 03/30/2019

Hi
IIM very new to Daily Strength and I am finding strength in want people are.sharing.
I too want to run away or want him to leave completely as I don't want to deal with other people's reactions when he comes.out transitioned I have stayed in the marriage for 5 yrs but he did nothing about transitioning he just went back into the closet now I have decided to leave when we can sell the house ..... It's hard to know how.our friends and families will react let alone our children
So it's good to hear how other spouses have felt and what they did
There is no right or wrong answer it's what is best for each of us .....
Loosing that relation ship is hard we were married for 22 yrs and 51 wks it's a.long time we have alot of history together
But I need to move on and at 50 that's hard ...

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