Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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/ Spouses of Transgender Support Group

Hurt and disgusted

Wanttolovehim
Wanttolovehim

For 4 years now i have tried to be supportive.  He has always said he wanted her to go away even up to tjid last Sunday. I feel like it has all been a lie .  i found on his instagram and Pinterest a few months back nothing but transgender stuff. Him and i are not friends on facebook.  I found on his facebook page today that he is friends with others of his kind. Some if them from right here in town. So im sure when he disappears that he is hanging out them.  Just the thought disgust me.  I can just imagine them all hanging out laughing doing their nails and think that there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. Well it is wrong it's not normal.  It is down right disgusting.  It makes me want you to vomit I can't scrub my skin enough to get him off me. The fact that you people don't care that you are destroying families because of your sick behavior and to think that there are people who support them doing this is just as wrong.  Why I even allowed such a sick freak around my kids and grandkids i don't know. I hate every one of you sick people.

gallinarosa
gallinarosa
I am not sure how to or if to respond to this, but you sound like you are in so much pain, I hate for you to think no one is listening. I am so sorry that you, or any of us, have to go through this. This seems to be affecting you very, very strongly. You ought to put him aside for awhile and make sure you help yourself first. Find something that makes you happy that has nothing to do with him, pamper yourself, talk to a friend, or go talk to a professional. If you can afford it, it is nice to have a therapist focused 100% on you where you can unload everything you are carrying around. I hope you can eventually get to a place without so much hate. Let it out, process it, then move on.

~best to you <3
confusedfairy
confusedfairy
Agree with Gallinorosa. It also might be time to stop and take stock of what you want from life, and whether/ not you can get it here.

One thing I have learned from this process: we were all taught that we must be loyal to our spouses and put them before ourselves. Somehow nobody taught us where the stop point was.

While it's not easy to suddenly do an about face on this and include myself, one thing that has helped me make decisions was to consider what was best for my child. It's helped me assuage my guilt about making these decisions.

Not that I'm saying we shouldn't take care of ourselves, just that I understand that sometimes it's difficult to say this is what I want, and I'm going to get it.

And that old truism, which has also proven helpful: You can't change other people, only yourself.
Ldmessing
Ldmessing
I agree with the others here, you are obviously in so much pain and I am very sorry for that. I have felt the disgust and even rage that you feel. You really doneed to step back and do what is right for you! No one will fault you and if they do, well they need to walk a mile in your shoes. Your partner is not considering your needs and putting himself first, it is time you did the same. Life is too short
Wanttolovehim
Wanttolovehim
Almost free from the disgust he is here getting more of his/her stuff I'm sure he will take his time. Cause he is s piece of s. t like that
19yearsandcounting
19yearsandcounting
It is hard for me to respond to this post. I understand the feelings of anger towards your spouse. I have felt that and I'm sure I will again. The lies and years of deceit are bound to do that. And I agree you need to take care of yourself, get a therapist to help alleviate that anger. Find a friend group who can make you laugh or let you cry. Find people to lean on.

Having said that, the absolute hatred of an entire group of people you don't know is a little troubling. I have met some wonderful people in the LGBTQ groups that are so wonderful. These people never meant to hurt their loved ones and have been hurting for years themselves. There are always going to be "bad" people in every group. Don't let your anger totally overtake your compassion for people.

Hope you find some peace, with or without your spouse. And if they are continuing to lie to you I understand how much that hurts and you don't deserve that. Sending you a hug.
Wanttolovehim
Wanttolovehim
He just informed me that the reason he dressed like a women id because I don't make him feel like much of a man
confusedfairy
confusedfairy
Agree with 19yearsandcounting- there are a lot of really wonderful people that are LGBT. What most of them would tell you is that you DID NOT cause this, and I cannot imagine why your partner wants to cause so much hurt.

I'm also very glad I interacted with the trans community as much as I have at this point (and recommend it for you) because you get to learn that not everybody does things the way our respective partners have.
19yearsandcounting
19yearsandcounting
Wanttolovehim - I am so sorry your spouse is treating you this way. Trans or straight, there is no reason anyone should treat their spouse this way. This is the person you vowed to love and cherish. Even in divorce or when you reach an impasse in your relationship there is no reason to talk to someone that way. I hope you know inside that you can't make someone gay or a woman. It sounds like your spouse is dealing with demons and is taking it out on you. Sending you lots of hugs and love.
1newstart
1newstart
Wanttolovehim, I have to agree with the others here. Please take care of yourself. Please make yourself a priority. Please take care of your health -- emotional as well as physical. If you can afford it, speak to a therapist.

I also want to say that it is my understanding that anger is a secondary emotion. In my case, it was borne of hurt and pain. Once I allowed myself to sit and feel the hurt (and that isn't an easy thing to do), I was finally able to feel the anger (mostly) leave me as well. You can get past this, but you need to put in the work, too.

Believe me. I get it. I KNOW what you are going through. We all do, but you are the only one who can make you better.
Ldmessing
Ldmessing
No matter what he says to you, YOU DID NOT CAUSE HIM TO BE TRANS!!!. This is something he has likely dealt with since childhood and what he is saying to you is just more of the lies. Do not believe it, do not let him put you down.