Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
So, I am finally able to breathe. I have spoken with my spouse and tried to just list what I am ok with and express where I am at. Basically, I told him I married a man, I see him as a man, and that's it. Period. I am not calling him by another name because I do not see him as anyone but who I married. I told him I was ok with his dressing at home, I was ok with his dressing androgenously around town, BUT I was going out to plays and on dates with my husband. PERIOD. That's it. He said that at this time he is happy and feeling like his outside reflects his inside. So for now, I am going to stop thinking about it, I am going to stop fretting, BUT I am not going to stop planning or preparing for life without him. I do not know how long his "authentic" self is going to be insync. I am going to continue planning for my future, I am going to curtail my spending, continue trying diligently to save and to squirrel away all that I can. I am going to make sure all my bills are paid and I have limited to no outstanding debt. If we stay together, wonderful we'll start retirement with more. If not, at least I will be a bit more financially prepared. That will relieve some stress.
I have to admit, it is a relief to finally have a decision made one way or another. I will be going to a therapist, but just knowing what I can and can't deal with and being able to be honest and frank about it really helps us both. If he gets to the point where he needs to go further, then we can revisit things, but at least I am standing up for myself and I can verbalize what I can and can not handle. What a relief.
I feel like a backpack of bolders has been lifted off my shoulders and back. It's quite freeing.
And you are right, for some of us this is the only place we have. While being trans is less of a big deal than it used to be, there are still so many different opinions and the conversations are going to go on for a long time.
Wishing you both all the best for your futures, Leonie.
I wonder why Gutted is even visiting this site if they have a great relationship and everything is fine. If our support group is satisfied with the responses we share with one another, why interfere? If you have no real reason for being here, then why come? If you are in fact a Psychology major, then you should be aware of communication techniques, the struggles each person goes through, the uniqueness of relationships, communication styles and on and on. You would not be so hateful in your responses, but rather educate us on the things we clearly are confused about. This journey is not easy, especially for those of us who had no clue. My spouse had no clue, so he understands my confusion. He and I are working it out. That is the goal. Please, do not come back to this site if you can't be helpful and compassionate while you attempt to educate. Many of us are sworn to the secret our spouses hold. Many of us have to be careful what we call our spouses around certain people. I personally can not do that. That is why we are ok with me calling him by his male given name and not he fem name. Not everyone knows, and he doesn't want everyone to know. Please, please understand we all have our own situation. Your judgment of us is really no different than what you claim we are doing to our husbands and partners.
Frankly, I am in a good place. We are able to talk and share a bit more comfortably. We are going to counseling this month, so I am not going to let this hullabaloo bring me down or cause anymore stress or confusion.
Thank you GR for your level head. I personally never want Gutted to respond to any of my posts. I am not interested in what they have to say. They have their opinion, thats fine, but I don't feel I need to know what their opinion is with regard to my posts.