So, I am finally able to breathe. I have spoken with my spouse and tried to just list what I am ok with and express where I am at. Basically, I told him I married a man, I see him as a man, and that's it. Period. I am not calling him by another name because I do not see him as anyone but who I married. I told him I was ok with his dressing at home, I was ok with his dressing androgenously around town, BUT I was going out to plays and on dates with my husband. PERIOD. That's it. He said that at this time he is happy and feeling like his outside reflects his inside. So for now, I am going to stop thinking about it, I am going to stop fretting, BUT I am not going to stop planning or preparing for life without him. I do not know how long his "authentic" self is going to be insync. I am going to continue planning for my future, I am going to curtail my spending, continue trying diligently to save and to squirrel away all that I can. I am going to make sure all my bills are paid and I have limited to no outstanding debt. If we stay together, wonderful we'll start retirement with more. If not, at least I will be a bit more financially prepared. That will relieve some stress.
I have to admit, it is a relief to finally have a decision made one way or another. I will be going to a therapist, but just knowing what I can and can't deal with and being able to be honest and frank about it really helps us both. If he gets to the point where he needs to go further, then we can revisit things, but at least I am standing up for myself and I can verbalize what I can and can not handle. What a relief.
I feel like a backpack of bolders has been lifted off my shoulders and back. It's quite freeing.
I refuse to call him anything else.He is my husband, that title is about all I have left of what I thought was my marriageI asked if he was happy being my husband and he replied that he wouldn't answer me, didn't want to enforce the notion that I am married to a man.I am at a loss for words and I don't think I can cry anymore.
Story of the transperson's spouse right?He has decided, and even discussed with his Dr, and gotten a referral to an endocronologist to start estrogen. My head is spinning and I am physically sick to my stomach. What should I expect at this point? I am terrified