Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Just wondering how many of your spouses use places like Susan's or Reddit? And if so, do you 'stalk' them to see what they say? My partner posted ONCE on a British forum, but as soon as he got any replies, got scared off, deleted his account and never went back. But I must say, to my shame, if he did post anywhere, I would avidly search him out and read. In fact re the above forum I guessed his user name and searched for his post and found it - he never told me he'd posted. Of course, as soon as I found it, I looked at the date and time etc and worked out that he was 'really happy to join you all on this forum', sitting in another room of the house, while I was home, working in another room. This was before he even came out to me properly. It made me angry, unfairly I suppose, but it did :( Incidentally, he didn't leave the forum because I'd found him on there, he had already left when I found him, so it wasn't my influence.
But anyway, do you read things they have posted, and if so, do they 'tally' with the way you see things? Have you read things you wish you hadn't?
And I KNOW I should respect his privacy and all that, but after all the secrecy and lies of the past I really can't help it.
Well, I found it helpful to read threads transwomen posted about coming out to their wives, how they did it, how the wives responded, what unfolded. I would go through and look for these threads to read. One day I found one that sounded just like my spouse. As I read on it contained many very specific details that confirmed for me that it was him. I did read through some other posts from that user because one of the things that did not match up felt kind of important to me (when he started therapy and how much he had gone before he was outted). I read more to confirm it was actually my spouse (and that there was a lie either in what he had written online or what he had told me). Also, I had been struggling to get him to communicate ANYTHING he was thinking or feeling. He was a closed book. Yet in the forum, he was spilling his guts. It was like I was finally getting to know this stranger I had been married to for two decades. Then we got into a huge fight about it. He lied and told me it wasn't him, then later came clean and told me not to read any of it. I was pissed that he lied to my face and pissed the he was hiding stuff.
We got past it, but I don't think he has posted on there since then (over a year ago). We sometimes talk about other people's posts we both read and recently he asked me why I don't seem to go on there or comment anymore.
I feel bad that I may have inadvertantly taken away one of his "safe" places to connect with others, but he is the one who told me about the site. And if there had not been a lie within what he wrote (he told me he lied in the post, not to me), I probably never would have brought it up between us.
Sometimes I wonder if he has found me here. Maybe? (If so, hi!) Either way, I need this place so I am just going to keep going and will have to deal with the fallout if there ever is any...