I am a female married to a trans-man, and I wanted to share that it can be a really rare and beautiful thing to go through a transition with someone. There seem to be a lot of terribly angry posts on this site, which makes sense, but I need to share my positive experience in the hopes of offering my support for those who need it. For most people who identify as trans, they have felt like they were trapped in a different body their entire lives, so coming out is more of a "becoming yourself" than it is "becoming someone new."

My partner is FTM. Holly became Micah. I had left my husband 2 years before to be with Holly and was just settling in when she introduced the topic of thinking she might be trans. I knew nothing about anything transgender. The thought instantly paralyzed me. My mind raced with all the things I'd sacrificed so we could be together. Anger, fear, frustration, questions, uncertainty... I experienced all the emotions. More than anything, I knew how much I loved her and didn't want to lose her. For both of us, the biggest fear was losing each other. When she came out to me as trans, she basically offered to go back into the closet if I needed her to. That might have made life easier on the outside, but I knew the internal pain that it would cause her, and that if she couldn't be honest with herself it would eat away from the inside like a cancer. I fell in love with Holly the person... I fell in love with and AM in love with the person, not the gender.

With that perspective, I tried to educate myself. I read a book called Trans101, watched YouTube videos, found people on Instagram who have transitioned, and tried to connect with people going through the same experience. We both sought counseling so we could work through things both individually and together. We took things really slowly, discussing things before acting on them. We tried out using male pronouns at home and talked about a new name. Together we landed on Micah. After some time we came out to close friends; some are supportive, others are not. Many times, I have to model for others how to use Micah and he/him. I still slip up sometimes when I'm not thinking. The process has been slow, but we both try to be patient with each other, and try to talk with each other and our counselors about what we're going through emotionally so that we can best support each other.

Everyone's journey is different, but for me it has led to the deepening of our relationship as we dig deeper into who we are and strive to support and encourage each other. I see how confident and funny and loving he is when he's not crippled with anxiety. I've seen how comfortable he is in his own skin, instead of trying to dress and act to please other people. I've seen his capacity to love others grow as he's learned to love himself. I've seen how he's better able to be honest with me when he's being honest with himself. It's a beautiful thing to help someone become more who they really are. Despite it's challenges, I'm so thankful for the experience of having a trans-partner and being part of the transition.