Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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YellowSubmarine 01/03/2018

Well, it's 2018, and nothing has changed. I'm still trying to cope with my partner's depression, his unemployment, and him being trans. Added to that we're living with my parents because we couldn't find our own place before we got kicked out of the old one. He's mentioned that it would be better to stay here for a while and save money to buy a house. I'm very hesitant about that because I've been questioning whether we'll even stay together.

When he first told me that he thinks he's trans, he said that the only reasons that he wouldn't transition would be medical reasons, or if it meant losing me. How can I even tell him that I'm doubtful that I'll want to be with a woman? It would just make him miserable. If he decided not to because of me, then it would be my fault for holding him back from his authentic self. There's no good way to deal with this.

Maybe when he actually gets to deal with his gender issues in therapy I'll be able to cope better. When I'm not constantly worrying about it, and catastrophizing. There's no one I can talk to. Therapy for me isn't really going anywhere at the moment. I just want to be like those young, trendy partners who are so excited and happy for their trans partner. But I'm not, and I'm unhappy, and I don't know how to fix it.

Sadieblake 01/04/2018

Start by taking bit as it comes, a day at a time. If you look at IT as this big thing then yes, it looks huge. Give yourself time and do consider whether this relationship is appropriate for you. You're not responsible for your partner's life or depression. Sure we do what we can but ultimately the individual always has to do their own heavy lifting.

InaQuandary 01/04/2018

Hi YS,
I understand where you're at since I'm in the same boat. I don't want to hold my partner back from transitioning if that's what he really wants. I too wish I could be happy and excited as he is for the changes happening to his body. I often think if I was bi, it would make things a lot easier. But I'm not and I'm having a really difficult time imagining us a couple as his transition progresses. So I'm trying to live in the moment and deal with things as they come. Being a worrier also, I find it easier to get caught up in the what if's of my situation, and I do too tend to catastrophe things. Sometimes I think this is my way of dealing with it, trying to plan out the best case and worst case scenarios of how this is all going to land. Some days are good and some days, not so good. The only thing I can say is just don't be so hard on yourself and it's okay to feel the insecurities in our relationship with our spouse as we try to deal with these changes.

LAlady0109 01/05/2018

Have you considered going to therapy WITH your partner? Sorry youre having such a tough time. It's definitely not an easy journey on both ends.

YellowSubmarine 01/06/2018

Some days are ok, and it all doesn't seem so bad. I suppose I do have some hope that if/when he transitions I won't have a problem with it. I think partly it's the not knowing one way or another that makes me overthink and worry. When the time comes I'll probably end up going to some therapy sessions with him, but at the moment they're still trying to sort out his depression.

Cora 01/07/2018

My spouse has been working a lot with his therapist regarding his depression. I think it's been helpful because my spouse isn't very in touch with his feelings.

I've been reading about hormones and they say that your overall health is really important and you must been monitored to see how the hormones are effecting your other organs.

As for the whole "I won't transition if it means losing you", this has something my spouse has said to me, but then the next day he'll be like "it's transition or suicide." I've had to just compartmentalize these statements and look at the steps we are taking and go from there.

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