Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hi All! I'm so glad I found this page, although not happy and the reasons I'm here I suppose. A bit about me and my story. My husband and I are high school sweethearts, were apart for a bit and now have been together for over 10yrs. He is very manly and masculine, tall, dark and handsome and never had any feminine interests or tendencies. He works a very manly job, and never showed any interest in even cross dressing. Over the past few months however he has, behind my back mind you, been cross dressing. I found wigs, makeup, clothing etc and just assumed he was cross dressing. I love him very much and didn't want to embarrass him so I figured I would leave it be, see how things went and go from there. He was raped as a child by a man, and from talking to my own therapist was told this was actually more common then people know as a form of coping by men who have not sought treatment. This made NO sense to me but trying to be a loving and understanding wife and again not wanting to embarrass him, I swallowed it and let things run their course. Things just got worse, he started making large purchases at ladies clothing stores and bra and underwear stores like I wouldn't notice (I do all the family banking and accounting) and one of the stores even sent him a thank you for spending $600 in their store but to his female name! All this time he has never once even told me he cross dresses. I then found photos of him dressed as a woman. It make me sick! Not because I in any way am against cross dressing or am homophobic or trans phobic, 2 of my best friends are gay and I have nothing against their lifestyle even though I was raised mildly old fashioned, but I was sick because his was suppose red to be the MAN I married, I did not marry a woman. He looked silly! He didn't look feminine, he didn't look dainty, he looked foolish and unattractive. His clothes were tacky and trashy, as was his makeup. I know how awful that sounds but seeing it brought me to an angry negative place :( I still assumed it was part of him working through his hurt past like the therapist advised, so again I accepted it and figured as long as it wasn't around me, I could find away to be ok. A month or so went by and more makeup and wigs, he starts smoking, I find a pamphlet for trans support groups, more huge purchases for clothes and makeup (high end make up at that! Stuff I don't even spoil myself with!) he starts blowing through our savings! I then find papers about gender reassignment, taking hormones and testosterone blockers, how to bank your sperm! Now that last part is resent and I'm just FLOORED! How can a man who claims to love me, and a week ago was talking about when we have children and he can't wait to be a silly old man with me be SO deceptive! He STILL hasn't even hinted he likes to cross dress yet he's looking into banking his sperm and reassigning his boys without the decency to tell me? Who the hell does that? The last 2 months he's cut off all his friends and family, been working less and has been totally wearing me down. I came home from work and he still had bits of eyeliner on. I muster up the courage to say something and he says honey you're crazy, I'm not wearing make up! We argue back and forth until I grab a cotton round and makeup remover and wipe his eye.... Makeup comes off.... He still says I'm crazy... I could slap this man!! I find a wig hair in the sink not either of our colour and obviously from a wig, he says it must have come off one of us from work (insert eye roll here) does he think I'm stupid? I'm so full of anger and betrayal and am at the point I need to confront my husband and tell him I know his secret but I don't know how ;( I know what the future holds for me and I know it's divorce but what a way to end! I read some of your stories and it breaks my heart. How is this fair? We are good women willing to work SO hard to make our marriages work, only to be lablelled intolerant, u accepting and trans phobic and that's so unfair! Where is he support for the spouse left with the aftermath? I'm comforted knowing I have found some of you who truly understand what I'm going through. I don't know what my next steps are. We have a life, great family, an amazing house and vehicles together, intertwined bank accounts, the whole nine yards. This isn't what I signed up for and it isn't fair....
But I know it's just the early stages. He complains he always fees sick and sore and I know it's from all the secret medications, blocking his testosterone and the estrogen and all. It engages me! 1st that's he's ballsy enough to keep this from me and mostly that he has the nerves to complain about being sick. I'm sure he is sick but I honestly don't care! I've actually dealt with some pretty serious issues for how young I still am and he was very shitty at taking care of me, especially when one of my biggest scares was hormone and uterus related! I was soooo damn sick and he wants to talk to me about hormone sick? PLEASE! I'm a pro at it honey to shut it lol! I want to slap him! I feel like his mother at this point that he just expects me to baby him and still cook and clean for him even though this "secret" has pushed us so far apart and he's still so dumb as to think I don't know! We women know when things aren't right, we know when something is wrong with our spouse. Rowan I honestly know I personally won't make it to the 20yr mark. We've been together since we were young, and we're almost at the 11yr mark and for me that will be the last! I've started planning my exit, I know it won't happen over night but it's coming. I deserve better then this! I didn't sign up for this and I won't have this forced on me. Bruce Jenner and his posse be damned, not once do they ever talk about what his does to the friends and family and spouses effected! Today I saw post of a side by side a trans person posted, one of them as a girl child and now as a teen boy and it said "I was a person before and I'm a person now" and not once during all this am I suggesting otherwise, but am I NOT a person? I find this whole experience makes me feel a huge sense of "what about me?" For myself and all family of trans people :( It's just not fair, and it never will be so all I can do at this point is be my own cheerleader and know I will survive this and start taking steps to make sure I get out of this alive and somewhat sane!