I'll keep you and your son in my prayers. Hugs. Stay strong, stand your ground.

Good on you for finding this inner strength, and enforcing your boundaries, and choosing your needs and that of your son. Hopefully your h will be strong and choose himself and his family, over that of his addiction. I wish you well, and well done on lining up support for yourself. Its going to be a tough time, best of luck, thinking of you :)

Thanks both. It means so much to me that you are all here. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Peace.

{{Hugs}} babe

Here is a link to some recovery info that may be of benefit to you now

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/spouse-of-sexaholics/discussions/messages/10315251

I will absolutely keep you in my prayers tomorrow! You are being an amazingly strong woman and mother and doing what is best for you and your son. And lining up support is excellent! Good Luck!!

You are in my prayers and I am sending you positive energy to stay strong. Sounds like you have a great support system and plan. Good luck!

Thinking of you. I hope all is well. I'm proud of your strength.

You will be in my prayers too. Be strong!

Will pray for you, Em. Do keep us posted. We care. Hugs.

Em: I have to echoe Trina on all that she had to say and mostly about the support that you have lined up. That is growth and strength and empowerment! I will pray that he chooses to get help and recovery also and for you that you have strength no matter what he chooses.

I will keep you in my prays. Take care of yourself and son.

just wanted to update that h is at home still and agreed to go to an addiction counselor. We've had two saturdays there so far. One for and hour and a half and one for an hour each individually. We go for another hour and a half next week. Then we're going to talk about if marriage counseling is what we need or if my h needs individual sessions or if we want to keep trying or separate. If it is temporary separation, what are your all thoughts on that? I know it's worked for some in my s-anon group to separate for 6 months or so then talk about recovery and others say how can you work on issues when you are separated? i feel like separation is what i need personally but also thinking about my son and the stress on him. Also I'm kind of cloudy on what will be achieved by a temporary separation.

Yesterday in my session i told EVERYTHING that h disclosed to me over the years as well as all the porn use, etc. Some of it feels like ancient history and so when/if the counselor brings it up I know my h is going to go "really, you're still bringing up that old garbage?!" So in a way it feels like not the way to heal...to keep bringing it all up. But the counselor kept saying, "well I can't help you if I don't know everything... the quicker I know everything the quicker we can reach healing". Which makes sense but feel a little scared about facing the next session. Also I know I fall into h's logic that a little bit of porn is okay and he's not the worst offender out there and so what am I worried about? I start going down that train of thought and feel like canceling the appointment. But I cant face status quo either. But then I think how could i break up a family over a little porn? Is it really a big deal? He doesn't spend any money on it and we seem to be able to go for months at a time without it being an issue. But when it comes up as a problem for me I realize I want to be cherished and loved and not have exploitation in my house any longer and how can I share my life and my body with someone who violates basic values of how we should treat other human beings on this planet. there is so much pain on the other side of the camera and he can't see it and that scares me. because i feel the pain of it.

Hi Em - You and I have parallel lives. My H was only addicted to the porn and maturbation. Never did he go outside the marriage for anything else. I never asked him to leave although I felt exactly like you upon disclosure and like you I never was opposed to a little bit of porn, but what I was opposed to was the secrecy, the lying, the manipulation and the placation. The porn isn't the issue, the addiction to it and all that goes with it is. Of course, now nine months into my own recovery I see things so much more clearly and I am determined more than ever to work on my marriage as well as my own recovery. My H knows that according to my boundaries, he must stay sober in order to be able to continue to be in our home as our home must be a safe place for me and our children. Nothing less will do. This is the hardest thing we have done in our marriage and, in the beginning, I was met with resistance because addicts are selfish people who are only thinking about what it will feel like when they lose their security blanket, but through recovery, both his and yours, you can find a more fulfilling relationship as well as a sense of your own self. No, my husband wasn't the worst offender either, but he deprived me and my kids of himself. He was vacant, distant, emotionally unavailable most of the time and no issue between us ever got resolved. Now he has been working hard on getting in touch with his own feelings (something he used the porn to mask and then numb himself) and I am able to express my feelings without him getting up and leaving the room and that to me is worth the time and effort it takes to stay in recovery.
He can't see your pain because he can't even see his own pain. Hopefully, in recovery, he will discover all the things he never wanted to deal with. It will not be easy for him, but when he has distanced himself from his addiction he will begin to see the world and you more clearly and hopefully will choose that over his addiction.
Remember, when we face disclosure we are traumatized by it so we are dealing with post traumatic stress. This is where you are right now, but I promise, through recovery, it will get better. I've read that while in recovery, spouses shouldn't make any decision regarding the marriage for the first year as neither party is in a position to make a rational decision. However, if anyone feels they need space and time to deal with recovery, then no one should ever feel that they have to stay under the same roof; that's your decision to make.
Just know that you are not alone in this.

wow Wachit and Em- My h was simaliar to yours. My H was only addicted to the porn viedo, mag and comics and pictures of women in general. My h never went outside the marriage either. I have not asked him to leave. But it still hurt. Him pulling away, the lack of affection. If you h is willing to get help and you are willing to stay with him than I say give it a change. I do not want my marriage to end of porn either. But in a way I feel the porn lead up to the affiar that I had. I felt loney and unloved. Sorry do not want to take over this post- just know we are in the same boat. But like I said if he willing to get help and you are willing to stay than try it out. If it to painful to have him back in the house stay apart until you feel comfortable. Work on you. I know harder said than done. I trying to work on me. My h also has depression so it makes it that much harder. Good luck.

Em, wow! you wrote exactly how i would have about 4-5 years ago......your mindset, your confusion, your justification and the end of the reply, your desparation at the beginning of the post. I get it all.
My h had his porn 'habit' for years and i knew, and i did not care for years, infact it was quite known that Monday mornings were porn mornings when i went to gym. Did not care, it was just done.
The problem for us, and for many others, is that it is not just a habit. For a person who is predisposed to addictions, or a person who does not cope well with stress or anxiety, the feelings from the release of masturbation to porn and fantasy can be addictive. Its a feeling that the addict will try to seek no matter what the consequences, to fulfill that need. That search or need can escalate, and may lead them to behaviours that they would not normally do, and lie about it in the process.
This behaviour hurts our relationships because the addict is not being emotionally present with us. Also the time they spend searching for that high is time not spent plugging into their families and their partners. Look Em, don't fear facing the problems, and don't fall into h's logic. You have needs, you love him and have been through alot with him, but you want more, you need more and more importantly you want more.
I believe he has an addiction (from previous posts) He wants porn daily, his previous behaviours have escalated to other behaviours while seeking out his high. So he has shown he can't just have a little bit of porn. An addict is an addict, he can't do a little bit. Stay strong on what you want, and what you need. Don't fall for his manipulation, stay true to yourself. I know he uses certain things in your life, and compares them to his addiction. That is classic manipulation technique of an addict. Don't feel guilt, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Please stay focused on your needs, and how his behaviours are draining your relationship, and how this affects your son.
I promise you it will never be a little bit of porn. It is a big deal to you, and it has been for a while. I have tonight be reading over some of your old posts, you have been hurting for a while now, stay focused on what you want and need.
Take care love xxxxx