spouses and illegitimate children Community Group

Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.

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heartache_island 03/24/2017

Hi Laides,

Hope everyone is hanging gin there. Do any of you ever have those days where you just want to get revenge on the OW? In my situation the OW was a friend, she flaunted the pregnancy and pictures of the OC in my face before I knew it was my husbands. At first when I found out she took all of my angry messages, but then as things turned and my husband stopped communication, her true colors started to show. she started insinuating things in messages and making demands. Then asking things like could the kid meet his parents and when was he visiting next (this is two months after I found out). He has only seen the child once, for me for our marriage to work I have said no contact. If he doesn't agree he is free to leave, after everything that is my bottom line. Anyway threw this all, everything has been about her, there hasn't been one apology for what she did to me, or how this may be affecting me. Just all about her! I have visions of slapping her across the face or spray painting slut on her front door. I know my close friends say it wont do any good, you cant reason with crazy. But sometime, taking the high road feels so unsatisfying , gggrrrrr

Stillpinkpony 03/26/2017

So, I have had some thoughts of revenge. We ate involved with the oc and I have thought about ways I could get the story out there to the parents at his school.

Somehow it made me feel good thinking she would walk around with a scarlet letter.

I didn't know ow or about oc until 7 years after he was born. All of the main drama happened without my knowledge. However, I know that she knew of me. She knew he had a wife and family. Now she plays the ooor overworked church going single mom..
Barffffff!

Bokkie 04/03/2017

I've had many revenge fantasies. They usually involved something illegal. But it's ok as long as they stay fantasies. Your friends are right. It would just make her look the a victim. The hard thing is realising that not all people think like you do. She clearly expects you to snap your fingers and get over it and think about what's best for the OC. Which is absolute bs. It's best not to entertain her any further. She sounds like she enjoys the drama so cutting off all communication will probably drive her crazy.

angelus 04/07/2017

Revenge would be great. I don't even know what would top what the OW has done. I mean I would have to wait until she falls in love with the man of her dreams and then I would have to sleep with him and rub it all over her face so she can feel the true sting of betrayal. That scenario is of course not going to happen. Cold heartless bitch has no heart to break anyway.

heartache_island 04/07/2017

Thanks ladies! I think for the last few weeks the thing that brings me down the most is the anger I feel towards her, it usually ends in tears. But I guess she isn't a happy, well person and I have to believe she will one day get karmic revenge. As @Bokkie mentioned being cut off with no contact will probably make her go crazy. Just so hard to imagine that someone who knew me and pretended to be a friend could do all of these things. Hope you all are hanging in there

BetrayedWife 04/19/2017

I think about revenge all the time. I actually considered sending a fax to her job and her child's school. Today wasn't a very good day with my husband either. it was actually a rage day. We are a week from dday and the pain still hurts. Not to mention I am judged because I AM filed with rage. Who in their right mind wouldn't be? I keep hearing from others the child is innocent and deserves his dad. The mom won't allow it, and 99.9% of me doesn't really care, but it's hard when you have tried to live your life as morally as possible. But on the other hand, why should I recognize the child????? 2 wrongs don't make a right...correct? So how does the OW's wrong and my Husband's wrong equate to an innocent child? I'm sorry but I can't eat that. But I notice it's only those who have not been through it who have the most absurd things to say. I feel for all you ladies. This is a cross no one should have to bear.

heartache_island 05/10/2017

BetrayedWife passionately said, that is exactly how I have been feeling. I hope things are going better with your husband. The rage is completely normal, I don't think I have ever felt rage like this before, and yes you are right it isn't fair and never will be and two wrongs don't make a right. Just like you I have always lived by my morals, that makes this situation that much more infuriating.
One way I managed to minimize my rage, was writing the OW a hand written letter. I did that for me not for her and not to get an apology because someone like that will never be sorry for anything. I just wanted her to know what she did to me, that yes she broke me, pretended to be my friend lied and manipulated. But all of that made my husband and I and his family stronger then ever, the love and utter support for me has been unimaginable and that nothing including her will EVER penetrate (excuse the pun) that again. We haven't heard anything from her in two months.

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