Wish I could say it gets better but it doesn't, our stories are similar except my husband has had two different children and during our first few years of marriage.my story is posted somewhere in here...today my 24 year old daughter told me she was going to go see her half sister...needless to say I am devastated...i feel betrayed all over again...all I am told from at least 99 percent of people is to get over it and move on... Not many understand...my husband has other grandchildren, my children have other brothers and sisters, my only grandchild has another aunt and uncle...and I'm suppose too suck it up forget about it forgive and move on...yeah right...what about us? I feel excluded and alone...the only bright hope is this site which so far is the only help I have received. Talking about it is the best thing u can do to relate with others who are going thru the same thing...most are younger...the oc in my life are 29 and 27...my husband of 31 years feels guilty...so he's trying to make it up to them...i on the other hand am angry, hurt and feel guilty ... its not their fault but at the same time don't want them in our lives. Some people here have great advice here but you are going to thru alot...the only thing that gets me thru is the hope that it will get better.

Exactly, all of our nightmarish stories are on here. One is worse than the next it seems. I'm so glad you found our group. I agree with mca that listening to others on here vent and express their honest pain is comforting. Just to know you are not alone in this terrible situation. I was married 22 years wsith 2 pre-teens when I learned of my EX H's affair with OW that produced an OC. And the OW in my case got pregnant on purpose because she thought we had money, when I was a clerk making $15 an hour, but was the main breadwinner. I think a lot of us don't want to retell our stories but this is a very compassionate group and we are all here for you. May God watch over you dear. Don't give up and seek peace for yourself.

It is a crazy mixed up world and although most people have some skeleton in their closets they won't let on about them. Here we can share our crazy stories and share ideas, feelings and advice.

I found out about the oc when he was turning 7. Same age as my youngest. I was already seperated from my H because I was tired of his lies. I assumed there was cheating but always got denial. Had no clue about oc.

Ff to today 3.8 years since dday. I have chosen to work through our problems and rebuild my marriage. It has been tough especially since I chose to include the oc in that rebuild. It has taken a long time and hard work but for the most part I'm on the other side.

I can totaly understand where you are coming from. The existence of this adult child changes how you've defined your family and the history of your life. The fact that your H is sneaking around is not good at all. Maybe there can be a comprimise here. If you can't handle her in your life, make specific times and days that he will converse and see her that you can be prepared. Maybe days you work or go out. But having it sneaky is its own betrayal.

The one thing you will need to accept is his desire to know his child. That's something you can't erase. You don't have to be a part of her life nor do your children. But I can only assume that in time, they may want to. Getting over it isn't that easy so for now just do what you need to find some common ground and terms you can accept with your H relationship with her. You may want to browse through posts and, journal entries here to see the huge scale of emotions.

Consider getting into marriage and individual counseling as this may be more than either of you can work through on your own.

I'm so glad I found this site, as I feel as if I'm going off my head. Found out 1 week ago, that my husband and partner of 5 yrs has a 4 1/2 yr old son, and he forgot to mention this! The only reason I found out was because immigration was going to arrest him over unpaid child support - If we hadn't went on holiday, I still wouldn't know. I am so bloody angry - it's scary. He and his parents don't see why I'm so upset, as it 'happened' before we were together. We have a 2yr old and a 6 month old baby girl. I don't want to be a single mum, but can't stay with him 'because of the children' either.
He has lied to me repeatedly over the last week, lying about when he found out,(that day, the previous day, 2010 and then 2008!) I can't believe a word, and now I doubt my whole relationship.
He says he's done nothing else wrong, and deserves another chance. Financially we're stretched. I'm already taking on extra work to make things better for us, but feel like telling him get lost.
I have never felt such anger towards him. How dare he lie, and then make out I'm the one with the problem. Life is really shit just now.

Welcome to our group my friend. My EX H was arrested with OW over child neglect. My EX M.I now pays his child support for him like he wet his pants in first grade and she's bringing him dry britches and undies. I still am not sure if H was with OW at time of arrest for child neglect. Physical custody had never been determined on OC through the state. Please read through our profiles and if anything jumps out at you and you would like to discuss or ask questions of us, please feel free. We are all in the same banana boat! Take care mate!

I say, your children are grown.... Screw him. But at the same time you lived a happy life without having to worry or look at the OCs face and she is an adult. Its not like you are stuck with him because of your small helpless children and they need you both to grow happy. At this point in your marriage do what you want and feels right. If he loves you just let him apologize with a nice gift and keep enjoying your relationship. If you hate his guts for doing and hiding this make him apologize a little harder. :)) best of luck