spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
I have been a voyeur in this group for about a month. I reached the end of the Internet researching this topic and that's where I found you. I hate that I'm here but this is my new reality. Or is it? My husband confessed his 13 month affair 7 weeks ago. During that time they saw each other 2 times and exchanged texts in between. They cut off communication immediately. She reached out to me to apologize. My only question for her was could you be pregnant? She hesitated then said oh he didn't tell you? She said they had discussed the fact that she wasn't on BC. My husband said she said she had an IUD. I believe him because I've never had one and I could tell from the way he talked about it that he was clue as to what that was and was just repeating her. Anyway. We have been living through Hell the past almost 2 months while she was deciding what to do. All the anger I have for him, while not gone, has turned largely to pity watching him faced with what could happen to our marriage, our children and his career as they are coworkers. So she's pregnant but never gave him any proof even when he has demanded. Then she said she found out its twins. I think I almost passed out. Then it turned in to them being identical. Then she decided to have a medical abortion. Then yesterday she said it was botched. Still no proof of any of this. My husband is a wreck. I get it, he deserves that. However, am I the only one that thinks all this sounds like bullshit? I starting to think she's pregnant at all. The ONLY thing that makes me doubt my theory is that it would be totally nuts to fake a pregnancy of twins and an abortion right? Do 38 year old professional women actually do that? Sorry for the long post but we haven't told a soul and I'm going crazy trying to figure this out. Why no proof? Shouldn't she be showing soon? How did she ever think she would get away with this???
In this situation I would absolutly get proof, she owes you that. If it is true then once the baby is born get a DNA test.
I would say from my experience, the only silver lining is that you know from the beginning. At least if she is in fact pregnant, you and your husband can come up with a game plan from the start, so she knows if she chooses to go threw with the pregnancy, things will be a certain way i.e. your husband won't be involved or there will be visitation but only threw a third party mediator etc.
In my situation my husband had a one night stand with a friend, he panicked and hid it from me.When she told him she was pregnant, she said she was having the child and that she would do it alone, as she was 38yrs and it was her only chance to have a child. My husband and her continued to communicate and he sent her money. In turn it gave her a false sense of the way things would go in the future. She assumed that when I found out he would then be involved and have visitation and they would continue to communicate and co-parent. She would have the family she always wanted.
If I had known from the minute she was pregnant I would have been very clear, that if she chose to keep the child, she would be doing it alone. Maybe she would have not kept the baby. It has been a constant battle of her trying to constantly get her way into our lives, she now manipulates everything, conveniently forgets that she was our friend and knew the situation she was bringing this child into. She plays the victim and is shocked that we don't want anything to do with her or the baby.
Get a good therapist and a clear game plan from the beginning,
Good luck !
You'll have to wait it out and, if she is pregnant, get a,DNA at birth. It can be done.
In the meantime, work on rebuilding the relationship and figuring out you will move forward, if there is a baby/ babies.
I'm sorry you find yourself her. Welcome to purgatory.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.*hugs
One of which was the money, he sends child support and I don't want that my quality of life compromised by his mistake. He can work part time at a fast food joint on the weekend if he has to, I don't want to feel a difference in my finances. Neither should you, his mistake he should pay of it.