up until very recently, my bpdbf has had the recurring dream that he's got his cell phone but he can't contact me because it isn't working. there is some variance in the dreams, but the theme is that he is unable to reach me when he needs me. or he will dream that i am betraying him.

very recently, he told me of two dreams, one night after the other. the first dream was one of us running for our lives. we were going to be killed, but he and i were making a run for it together, anyway. this really touched me in ways that i cannot explain, but i felt it to be some sort of breakthrough, like his subconscious saying i was his comrade in spite of this crazy problem he has. the next night he dreamed that he had gotten a new phone, that it worked fine, and that he was able to contact me and knew where i was and felt safe, or something to that extent.

we've made a lot of changes in four months' time, such as deciding not to live together and establishing more independence. i've made a lot of changes that include things like owning my own emotions and encouraging him to own his, validating his emotions and discouraging him from taking responsibility for mine, etc. i've also stopped telling him all the details of my life that he does not need to know that would only make him feel insecure. (for example, if a stranger were to hit on me, even my telling the bf that i turned the person down would make him feel threatened, so why even bring it up?) but i don't hide things from him, and i still live my life while reassuring him that i love him dearly.

these changes have made the past couple weeks feel very close, very much like when we first fell in love, only more so, with a mature, wiser love than in the beginning. it makes me feel so happy, because i really wanted him to be the person i would someday feel this with.

it also scares the shit out of me, because when we have come close to achieving this closeness in the past, a huge fight, a tremendous episode, would come along, and he would say horrible hurtful things and disappear emotionally, and physically, for days. maybe we broke through, and some tiny little seed of trust was planted that may somehow lessen the blow, but the truth is that it IS going to happen. and when it starts getting this good, i know it's coming.

so what can i do to stop myself from fulfilling the prophesy? to keep from subconsciously trying to just get it over with? to break the habit? should i try and come down off my love high a little bit? should i talk to him about this? or will that just cause a fiasco? i know that he gets triggered much more easily in this state, but i am also aware that i have a part in this pattern, and i think there is something i can change, even though i can't change him. i'm just scared. it's hard spending a week in the dark wondering if this time he's really leaving. i want to try and avoid it in the healthiest way possible.