SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
i knew it was coming, another blow-up, but i'm just so tired of it. seriously burnt out and unable to participate in his drama. the trigger was the usual- surprising me by finding a threat where i wasn't expecting it.
i've learned to accept this part of him. this part isn't even that difficult. i just offer as much validation as i can muster and express sympathy for the pain that he's in when he's triggered. and that's as far as i go, now. i don't take it personally, and i don't compromise my values and my soul.
but i can't abide being disallowed my feelings in the matter. the fact that i am barred from expressing my frustrations that drunken babble about fishing the northwest turned into the threat of my running off with another man is infuriating, so when that gets topped off by getting hung up on twice, the second time with a "fuck you," i lose my patience. before all of this he had sent me a text saying that he needs a "little more understanding." here's where i feel i should be the one saying "fuck you." talk about a lack of appreciation for my love and compassion and COURAGE to deal with this in order to be with the man i love so much.
he wouldn't answer his phone after the hangups, only text. i left a message saying he owed me an apology. his text back was flippant and selfish.
and then he figured out a way to hurt me!!!
he cancelled the band practice. the long awaited first musical practice for the afro-fusion group that me and my bellydancer friend initiated. he cancelled it and just had the drummers come up to his place to learn the rhythms. he gave me the boot and took control.
i'm so @$%#!!!! mad at him that i hurt my throat today when i had to resort to jumping up and down on the bed, cursing and screaming. i'm not used to feeling this upset with him. i'm used to feeling like my heart has been torn from my chest, not feeling like i wanna punch him in the eye when i look at a picture of him. disorder or not, he can't treat me like this.
and i refuse to let him take charge of another band.
did i mention i'm pissed? god. how can i let it out? i'd go for a jog but it's 4am.
i've learned to accept this part of him. this part isn't even that difficult. i just offer as much validation as i can muster and express sympathy for the pain that he's in when he's triggered. and that's as far as i go, now. i don't take it personally, and i don't compromise my values and my soul.
but i can't abide being disallowed my feelings in the matter. the fact that i am barred from expressing my frustrations that drunken babble about fishing the northwest turned into the threat of my running off with another man is infuriating, so when that gets topped off by getting hung up on twice, the second time with a "fuck you," i lose my patience. before all of this he had sent me a text saying that he needs a "little more understanding." here's where i feel i should be the one saying "fuck you." talk about a lack of appreciation for my love and compassion and COURAGE to deal with this in order to be with the man i love so much.
he wouldn't answer his phone after the hangups, only text. i left a message saying he owed me an apology. his text back was flippant and selfish.
and then he figured out a way to hurt me!!!
he cancelled the band practice. the long awaited first musical practice for the afro-fusion group that me and my bellydancer friend initiated. he cancelled it and just had the drummers come up to his place to learn the rhythms. he gave me the boot and took control.
i'm so @$%#!!!! mad at him that i hurt my throat today when i had to resort to jumping up and down on the bed, cursing and screaming. i'm not used to feeling this upset with him. i'm used to feeling like my heart has been torn from my chest, not feeling like i wanna punch him in the eye when i look at a picture of him. disorder or not, he can't treat me like this.
and i refuse to let him take charge of another band.
did i mention i'm pissed? god. how can i let it out? i'd go for a jog but it's 4am.
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
i offer him so much understanding and compassion, but it's NEVER ENOUGH. nothing i do will ever be good enough for him! and it can seem like we're doing fine when he's triggered, but then the next day he has to come at me again. honestly, i don't feel that i did anything wrong. i was concerned, compassionate, caring, and a good validator. and there's nothing wrong with feeling frustrated. and nothing wring for getting really upset with him for his behavior! for my own sanity i'm holding out for a real apology over here. but i wonder if i'll get it...
i offer him so much understanding and compassion, but it's NEVER ENOUGH. nothing i do will ever be good enough for him! and it can seem like we're doing fine when he's triggered, but then the next day he has to come at me again. honestly, i don't feel that i did anything wrong. i was concerned, compassionate, caring, and a good validator. and there's nothing wrong with feeling frustrated. and nothing wring for getting really upset with him for his behavior! for my own sanity i'm holding out for a real apology over here. but i wonder if i'll get it...
things have settled, and an indirect apology was received.
sometimes i forget that i am not just battling a disorder, i am also battling a real human with real feelings and natural volatility. and people in "normal" relationships (if there really is such thing) fight, too, and say stupid things to one another, and don't want to apologize. yeah, i was upset, i think he behaved poorly, but if i go after him for every childish move then i'm gonna have to be one hell of a patient, saintly, PERFECT individual at all times. and where's the passion in that?
ten years from now i am not gonna remember this incident, and ten years from now i'm fairly certain we will still be together, hopefully champions of communication at this point!