SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
today, unexpectedly, i called my ex. i hadn't been planning on doing this, or even considering the possibility, but it was as though i was suddenly too tired to keep it together and pretend anymore that i could move on as if i was not in love with him.
there was no fighting. i asked him if he was sorry about all the cruel things he had done, and he was. i had this image in my head that he was so happy to have left me, this being based off all of his rages i have experienced in our relationship. i even explained to him that i this was what i imagined. but it wasn't the case. the person in him that i love, that tries so hard not to be fucked up, is still there, and is hurting over this as much as i am.
we've only directly communicated once in three months since he told me for the millionth time that he was leaving, and i finally just let him go. it's been great for me in that i've been rebuilding myself without compromise, but i had already begun to do this when i started setting boundaries and refusing to be controlled by his fears. maybe i've made more progress by not having him around, but at the same time i have been waiting for him to come back. only i haven't admitted it to myself because i wanted time to help me overcome this feeling. but time only built it up. time showed me the truth instead of washing it away.
he said that the only way he thought we could be together was IF HE GOT SOME KIND OF HELP. i've never heard him say this to this extent, where it was discussed as an option. i told him that if he wanted to do it for us, that i would be supportive, but that he really had to do it for himself, by his own volition. no decisions were made nor even imposed. it was just discussed. but we did consider the possibility of meeting some time during the day in a public place where crying is socially acceptable, like a cemetery.
i like the way my life is going right now, and i don't want to change it. i just want him in it somewhere.
i really needed to share this, because i'm not sure i'm going to tell anyone else i know unless something comes of it.
there was no fighting. i asked him if he was sorry about all the cruel things he had done, and he was. i had this image in my head that he was so happy to have left me, this being based off all of his rages i have experienced in our relationship. i even explained to him that i this was what i imagined. but it wasn't the case. the person in him that i love, that tries so hard not to be fucked up, is still there, and is hurting over this as much as i am.
we've only directly communicated once in three months since he told me for the millionth time that he was leaving, and i finally just let him go. it's been great for me in that i've been rebuilding myself without compromise, but i had already begun to do this when i started setting boundaries and refusing to be controlled by his fears. maybe i've made more progress by not having him around, but at the same time i have been waiting for him to come back. only i haven't admitted it to myself because i wanted time to help me overcome this feeling. but time only built it up. time showed me the truth instead of washing it away.
he said that the only way he thought we could be together was IF HE GOT SOME KIND OF HELP. i've never heard him say this to this extent, where it was discussed as an option. i told him that if he wanted to do it for us, that i would be supportive, but that he really had to do it for himself, by his own volition. no decisions were made nor even imposed. it was just discussed. but we did consider the possibility of meeting some time during the day in a public place where crying is socially acceptable, like a cemetery.
i like the way my life is going right now, and i don't want to change it. i just want him in it somewhere.
i really needed to share this, because i'm not sure i'm going to tell anyone else i know unless something comes of it.
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
note: been there (cemetary date), done that, don't want to discuss it. LOL!