note: that's supposed to say "personality disorder support group," not "personality support group." although that type-o brings a new light to the term personality disorder:
"Sir, there is something WRONG with your personality." sounds kind of condescending, doesn't it? ;)

Idk bananna he NEEDS to be in therapy.

well apparently i am pressuring him. even when i tell him what he is doing is good. and things are always going along fine, he says, until i bring up an issue. i just get so freakin frustrated because i can't bring anything up at all! nothing.i.do.is.good.enough.

i have to retract a part of that statement. i'm actually really starting to see signs of improvement on his end. i still want him to get therapy, of course, but the little changes are starting to add up to prove that i am making a difference, and he is following suit (albeit at his own pace). HALLELUJAH!

Hi Self, this is your Future Self, six years later. I wanted to tell you that you are going to get really good at diffusing situations. I wanted to tell you that you have developed an amazing and commendable sense of compassion for your partner and for people with mental illness everywhere. You have become a safe space for all who meet you, and you should be so proud of who you are going to become.
I also wanted to tell you that you are deluding yourself. Yes, he is going to make some progress, to a point, and then he is going to push you away. You are going to be broken up for several months, and then when you get back together he is going to get back into therapy. He is going to do much better. The two of you are going to become masters of communication. But you are also going to be continually kept at an emotional distance. You are still going to experience the part of him that is an absolute asshole, but you are going to learn how to take it in stride and always, always, diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand. You're going to be a master at this, but it's going to be at your own expense.
Finally, it will get to be too much. You will start to notice yourself letting him keep his distance, and you will grow farther apart. You won't feel as close to him, as much as you love him,. You love him so so dearly. You'll surprise yourself by telling him that the relationship isn't giving you what you need, and you'll even be proud of him for acknowledging that he is difficult to be with. You'll see him trying, but it won't be enough, because you have already been burnt out. You will realize this when he slips for the last time, treating you like shit in front of your mutual friends.
You're going to tell him that you can't keep protecting him like you have for the last 8 years, and by that you'll mean that you can't pretend anymore that he doesn't have a mental illness, that his behavior in the past wasn't psychotic. You'll tell him how you have become adept at avoiding triggering him. but that, always, you are afraid it will happen. And when you tell him this, you will see those days bubble up in him. They were always right there, so close to the surface. He was never better. You just got really good at his game.
You're a wonderful person, Past Self. But you forgot to share how wonderful you are with the most important person: you.

Hello. You are a wonderful person, and I'm sorry that you are getting shortchanged in the relationship. It is erosive, and takes a toll after awhile, for sure. It really hurts to. be disrespected in front of friends and family, and there is no excuse for doing it to someone you claim to love. Can you arrange a little separation to help clear the smoke?

thanks Johnnycake. i've been having flashbacks of the trauma that i didn't even realize i had suppressed and forgotten. i read old journals and there are so many things that i didn't remember. i've never had a memory problem. now it's resurfacing. it's frightening and painful.
i can't live with him again unless he admits that he has an illness and is willing to seek treatment, any treatment, anything, just as long as he is trying i will try, too. but, well, you personally understand the danger that my relationship is in. the distance he has kept between us to prevent waking the illness inside him has taken its toll. even if he refuses to face the truth, even if we don't break up, i will never put myself back in that situation again. hell no. and so the relationship will just... die.
as per your question about a little separation, we have barely interacted other than to arrange therapy and attempt to talk (but it didn't feel safe so we stopped). we don't live together, and, shucks, we have more than enough separation. enough to make me start noticing other people that notice me...
i'm sure glad to have you in my life, old friend. thank you.