Perhaps your guy will find someone else, but this might not happen while you still seem at all available. Maybe I was lucky, because my ex became totally abusive once she found a new love. There was no room for hope in the airless space she left behind.

I think that okcupid will help you... it did good things for me, at least. Be sure to answer the questions on the site about yourself -- you will learn a lot about your preferences and attitudes. I liked learning about other people in this "non-invasive" way. These days, most people meet their mates on the net, or so I've heard.

yeah, it will be nice to meet someone that doesn't think i am a monster. the thought of getting into another relationship doesn't appeal to me, but doing something like meeting other men on ok cupid at least helps me to reinforce the fact that i am not committed to my ex anymore.

who knows if you should actually consider yourself lucky that your ex became abusive once it was over, because that must have been devastating. but it did bring about a quick end. otherwise i don't think these things end at all. they just morph into a new situation in which the pwbpd can have control.

epiphanal moment (but i don't think epiphanal is a word): when me and the ex were together, he could "deal" with the pain he felt when triggered because he controlled the situation, controlled me. once i started resisting control, he had to find a new method. i think in particular because i wasn't fighting him, i was just being firm, which must have made him realize how childish his actions could be. so this long, drawn out "leaving" process is just another means of controlling me. i bet if i showed submission and compromise he would come back. wow, is he really that much of an asshole???

I suppose that pwBPD are more likely to need certain details of their relationships exactly their way in order to maintain control. I'm recalling my ex's need to avoid begging and saying please or thank you because "that would be begging," as well. For the non-BPD partner, it means "my way or the highway," even though the pwBPD (unlike a pwNPD) is not likely to use this phrase. The pwBPD is more likely to have an emotional meltdown when things don't go their way. This is what eventually causes the non-BPD SOBs to start feeling like the drama is just a means of manipulation.

I suppose that pwBPD are more likely to insist that certain aspect of their relationships conform to their needs, in order to maintain any self-control. I'm recalling my ex's need to avoid begging and seldom saying please or thank you to friends and family members, because "that would be begging," as well. For the non-BPD partner, it means "my way or the highway," even though the pwBPD (unlike a pwNPD) is not likely to use this phrase. The pwBPD is more likely to have an emotional meltdown when things don't go their way. This is what eventually causes the non-BPD SOBs to start feeling like the drama is just a means of manipulation.

I don't know if this might help. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dsporting&field-keywords=divorcing+a+bordeline+personality Maybe the book sample will let you know if it has any helpful information.