Smoking changes us, and those changes happen gradually, over a long period of time. In fact, the personality shifts we experience due to nicotine addiction are so subtle; most of us don't realize our cigarettes are responsible for them.

Anxiety is a common problem among smokers. I had my fair share of it throughout the last few years I smoked. I thought my tension was the result of my increased pressures and responsibilities. I thought it was a "natural" part of aging, in fact. It wasn't until I quit smoking that I began to understand just how much addiction had influenced my belief in myself and self-esteem.

Nicotine addiction taught me a lot of things, none of them good. It taught me to avoid dealing with life by hiding behind a smoke screen. When something stressful happened, what did I do? I lit a cigarette so I could think it over, of course. By the end of the cigarette, I often decided to let go of whatever it was, which sometimes was not a good choice. Smoking taught me to avoid, and avoidance breeds tension. I was teaching myself to settle for less by not dealing with life head on.

Smoking taught me that I was weak. I felt powerless to quit. As much as I hated smoking, I thought I couldn't live without my cigarettes. And there was that nagging worry in the back of my mind that I was killing myself, one cigarette at a time. I was in a constant state of subtle turmoil. It was such an awful way to live, but I settled for it for a long time. Nicotine addiction does that to a person.

The blinders finally came off and I quit smoking. Why? The tension in my life created by smoking had become unbearable. That's what it took for me to quit and to stick with the recovery process until I was free. And so I began my journey to freedom.