Smoking Addiction & Recovery Support Group
The CDC claims that nicotine is a "very addictive drug" that can be "as addictive as heroin or cocaine." Nicotine is typically eliminated from the body within 2 to 3 days, however, physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms may last for much longer depending on the individual. If you are trying to kick the habit, this community is dedicated to giving smokers the...
I went to my doctor and he asked me what's the matter, well I said its a bit embarrassing its my penis its shaped like a rocket. Well he said that is very unusual, I had better take a look at it, when he looked at my penis he said that is amazing it is exactly like a rocket, what does your wife think about it ? oh I said she is over the moon.
You drop her off in the woods and if she finds her way home- don't sleep with her....
Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.
The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one. "You dumbass -- that's ME!
(Tee-Hee)
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a Red Neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Red Neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the Red Neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The Red Neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go!
"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately."
Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."
The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."
A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary
married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant
you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the
Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this
is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry
my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger
than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The
moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful b******s should remember fairies are
female.....
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a hair trim before the next day's meeting, he
Called the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted 50 cents, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later, the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, Manicures-25 Cents. "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, waited 15 seconds, pulled them out, and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives--50 Cents. The salesman looked both ways, put in fifty cents, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his penis into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off, and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis . . . now with a button sewed on the end.
You can drop them off anywhere.
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba,
Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls-- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
'Cooter'