Just wanted to add. My sons egg-doner has not seen, spoke to or written him in 2 years now.
Does she still clasify as a Mom??

I know someone that is going through the same thing. He has taken care of his child since birth. Now, that the mother has decided to get married things have changed. Now, she has him in court every chance she gets and the person that is suffering is their son. I told my friend to keep fighting for his rights.
1) I hate to say it but good dads are becoming rare due to kids having kids. If more parents talk to their kids and make them more responible then maybe this will change.
2) Because the court system favors the mothers and the dads don't keep records of the things that are going on.
3) Every mother is different. Many just do it out of anger and hate. Me personally I did it to protect my child.
4) No matter what it takes a really man to be a good father and dad. Any man can father a child that doesn't make him a good dad or father

I think more women than men are involved in the details of their children's lives. So when the split happens, the woman is better positioned to keep normal life going with them. The man can learn, but some I think find it overwhelming, or they don't see that they have to change in this way. Instead, they are running around trying to find another woman, not buckling down to become a better parent.
I want my kids to know their father, but the parenting choices he makes are sometimes scary to me. For example, he wanted to quickly start them spending time with him and his gf, which alone is a problem so new in the split to them, but in addition, she is involved in illegal activities, and is a drug addict recently out of rehab. Who knows what kinds of friends she has and what danger my kids would be in. When he voiced this intention, that was the first time I thought that maybe it would be better to limit contact with him.
My mother thought she was doing a great thing by letting us spend summers with my dad. If she had really understood what the experience was like, I'm not sure she would have made that choice.

What a refreshing change it is to hear from the fairer sex how men are slowly but surely being emasculated and admired for all their(in my opinion) bad points...ruthless businessman, not caring what others think of them, being in touch with their feminine side are a few examples. In my experience so many women have proved, certainly at an early age anyway that they don't want nice guys just ones that 'float their boat' or 'make them tingle' despite showing them little or no respect or consideration. I have been laughed at by girls of my own age, when young, for holding a door open or doing something else gentlemanly I was taught to do by my parents. I have to say I have been left to feel unappreciated by ladies young and old for being polite and considerate, however the same values and qualities I was taught will be passed on to my sons despite the attitude of so many ladies and if they feel these qualities are unappreciated by any girls they are seeing, they will have the good sense to move on. I guess when I hear, 'where are all the good dads' I feel tempted to say 'they have all moved on or given up trying and joined the growing trend of being a selfish and disrespectful oaf cos that's the way which seems more attractive' but that would be unfair on all the nice ladies who appreciate a good,loyal and brave man, where have they all gone by the way?

The irony of my situation is that I am probably a better dad since the seperation. Before our break-up, my ex micromanaged every second that I spent with my daughter, and I, like the stupid passive-agressive person I was behaving like, started to withdraw from spending time with her. Now, because my ex cannot afford a babysiter, I get to take care of her every day, I am finally getting to be a dad, and loving it.

You know, I don't think good dads are rare - we just don't hear about them.

Some dads lose in court because they hold back and refuse to bad mouth their kids' mother. Unfortunately, there are mother's who aren't afraid to bad mouth the dad - it's a self esteem issue. You take away my kids and what does that say about me. I'd like to see the system even out, but I don't really think it will.

Some moms limit contact with the dad because they're mean. (mean mom, mean dad - take your pick).

Of course a man in a divorce can still be a good father. Some men become a better dad when mom is around critisizing.

I'm sorry you have limited contact with your son. I wish my ex would have spent more time with his son - but he move right after we separated. I think they both missed out on something special.

Mr. Forgetful,
Your point crops up regularly. Men say that women only want bad boys, not the nice guys, etc. My answer is that some women are like this. And men only want a certain type of woman, i.e. great-looking, so the great looking women who seem like a challenge to conquer, get all the action, and their choices become to men, the choices of all women in general.
If you or any man were put down by a woman for being nice, that just means you are chasing the wrong woman. Those women have their heads screwed on wrong - but so do you, for wanting that woman who does not appreciate the good things about a truly good man.

I'm a happy dad of a 15 month old boy. I love him to death and spend a lot of my free time with him. I do more of the parenting than his mom. She's a "corporate" person and I'm a teacher. I have more free non-work time than she, and she works until it's dark. She's driven by material success and I'm driven by a joy of life.
I realized at an early age that nobody ever was on their death bed saying they wish they spent more time in business meetings. I love my job and find that it makes me a better person. I'm not just working my life away to improve someone else's bottom line.

Hi Thriver, Thanks for your comments but as true as they are in many respects,they are way off the mark when applied to me.
Most of the ladies I referred to were not those I had a relationship with and considering the fact that I have never chased a woman in my life how can I be chasing the wrong ones?! I have had my share of girlfriends (some would say more than) and I have to say I get along with ladies better by majority than I do men. On the subject of looks, well yes it is a factor in the initial attraction context but not applicable in the sustaining of a good relationship and just for the record I went out with a girl who was short fat and very spotty when in my teens and early twenties for four years, I loved her and spent every minute I could with her despite disuasion from my mates. I have also been out with other girls who nature has not been too generous to in the looks department,however this hasnt stopped some of them making me feel that a huge amount of ladies, certainly at an early age anyway, don't appreciate a sincere and respectful gentleman.
I would also like to say that when I was in my mid-twenties and becoming very disillusioned with girls I dipped my toe in the bad boy pool and started to treat the fairer sex with contempt and cynicism, this resulted in me having more girlfriends than I knew what to do with. I swear to you all I have said is true and wouldnt put up a post like this if any of it wasnt so.
In conclusion I would like to say that there is good and bad in both genders but have to say it is difficult for a young man in recent years to know what kind of a man can possibly be like and respected by all women regardless of their personal traits.

I doubt that any man can be liked and respected by all women. Women are too diverse.

I am a MSW student in social work and have been working in the field and with families for a long time. I have my own shit, believe me...I can't deny that. However, I am a smart person...and do know the system well. I consider myself a change agent. I think that the system is in need of some changes. However, most judges feel that a child is best going to be within clinical research that states that a child thrives better with the mom....and the mother is the first primary emotional basis of life....and so on....so, The judge has to abide by the evidence based information for his/her decisions. A mother will always have more time with a child if that is the best for the child. A mother usually has the maternal instincts to protect an provide.....however, that does not say all mothers are able to do so. If they are not, that will all come out in the pudding. I don't know...I just work out an equal schedule with my daughter's father. He is a great father. He may not do all the things I do...and how I want, but he does well.....he loves her, he is on top of everything....and I have not one concern. So...I don't even go to the courts. I couldn't bare taking anything away from him.....yet, this also leaves me without child support.....
I don't know...she has access to her parents equally. I suffer financially, for sure. However, I have learned that I need to fight my battles in life. When I have financial problems, I ask for assistance from her father....and he does help when he can. So, if she is happy, I am okay.....my concern for her happiness is all I treasure. She should have her father and her mother equally if possible. The crazy tension and problems that could be there are not for her.....ever. So, my job is to be a great mother and let her have her father, and also not let the anger or tension between us ever let her not have me or her father......as equal, positive entities. A child is the most precious this we can bring into this world. I can't bare the thought of the author of her nightmare. I want to be the author of her dreams. As we better ourselves, we can better others.

Pennylane, that is a wonderful post. Looks like you have found your equilibrium. Hope I can find mine.

It isn't always the court system that gives the kids to the Mom, sometimes "dad" walks out. I know there are good dads out there, I just wish I could find one for my son. At 11 he needs that male role model. My daughter would not have learned how she should be treated, because her dad hit her. At 22 she has a wonderful BF and I adore him. As for my ex he walked away, swearing that if I ever contact him again he will make sure I regret it. I wonder what the statistics are for remarriage the custodial parent vs the non-custodial parent. I know I have not dated much in the last 9 years because my children say "I have bad taste in men"

There are good dads...and unfortunately there are bad ones. My ex does not try to see his kids, he rarely calls, and is always making excuses when he doesn't show up. I would love for him to be in their lives!
On the flip side I am dating a man, who is the most wonderful father to his children. He helps them at the drop of a hat, would do anything for them, and really cares. Watching him throughout the years really teaches me that there are great fathers out there, and some children are truly lucky to have both parents that care.