Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
ok, he left me pregnant and to sick to work with nowhere to go...
his parents never knew i was pregnant until i called them. he admitted it was his, and we started a relationship, then turned and said it wasnt his and i was just some crazy girl and is mad now that me and his parents have a relationship because they wanted to be grandparents to my daughter, he dont even talk to them and continues to lie to me....
the genetic test is back.. as there was never any doubt... he continues to try to hide behind the navy... saying he is too busy to see his daughter, or do anything...
we went to court... they ordered him to pay child support. and to see his daughter before he left to go out to sea.
yeah... he saw her... it was so hard to see them together.
but i was hoping maybe it was a turning point, maybe an end to the constant immature fighting he puts me through.... i was wrong.
he called me saying he was leaving to go out to sea.. that he couldnt pay me the 750 bucks he was suposed to pay me. that he would resolve it in 3 months when he resurfaced. knowing i needed the money help. then his lawyer sent a note to my lawyer, saying he shouldnt have to pay for daycare, because i work nights and dont pick up my daughter till 9 am, but get off at 4 am, and he shouldnt have to pay because i should pick up my daughter when i get off work. or get another job.
WAKE UP A BABY WHO SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT? just so he dont have to pay an extra 30 bucks a week??? i already made a deal to drop his monthly amount 50 bucks. and i havent yet recieved a dime.. how does he get this right to fight? i cant go to college and move out of state because of him! get a better job! make a better life for us!!! the bastard makes decent money. im struggling, because i try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. and because this is my job, its what i do. i work nights. until i can go to college, its what i have to do. is this really how it will be for the next 18 years?
i dont know i can handle this. im about to lose my temper, and i know that wont be good. im tired of him throwing shit in my face, and me just taking it, and him with that stupid smirk on his face, playing dumb like he dont know what im talking about.
he cares nothing for my beautiful baby girl. he just wants to hurt me, and im TIRED of him using her to do it
his parents never knew i was pregnant until i called them. he admitted it was his, and we started a relationship, then turned and said it wasnt his and i was just some crazy girl and is mad now that me and his parents have a relationship because they wanted to be grandparents to my daughter, he dont even talk to them and continues to lie to me....
the genetic test is back.. as there was never any doubt... he continues to try to hide behind the navy... saying he is too busy to see his daughter, or do anything...
we went to court... they ordered him to pay child support. and to see his daughter before he left to go out to sea.
yeah... he saw her... it was so hard to see them together.
but i was hoping maybe it was a turning point, maybe an end to the constant immature fighting he puts me through.... i was wrong.
he called me saying he was leaving to go out to sea.. that he couldnt pay me the 750 bucks he was suposed to pay me. that he would resolve it in 3 months when he resurfaced. knowing i needed the money help. then his lawyer sent a note to my lawyer, saying he shouldnt have to pay for daycare, because i work nights and dont pick up my daughter till 9 am, but get off at 4 am, and he shouldnt have to pay because i should pick up my daughter when i get off work. or get another job.
WAKE UP A BABY WHO SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT? just so he dont have to pay an extra 30 bucks a week??? i already made a deal to drop his monthly amount 50 bucks. and i havent yet recieved a dime.. how does he get this right to fight? i cant go to college and move out of state because of him! get a better job! make a better life for us!!! the bastard makes decent money. im struggling, because i try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. and because this is my job, its what i do. i work nights. until i can go to college, its what i have to do. is this really how it will be for the next 18 years?
i dont know i can handle this. im about to lose my temper, and i know that wont be good. im tired of him throwing shit in my face, and me just taking it, and him with that stupid smirk on his face, playing dumb like he dont know what im talking about.
he cares nothing for my beautiful baby girl. he just wants to hurt me, and im TIRED of him using her to do it
I am going through something as fustrating..... my ex was only paying $245 australian a month even though he was on $80K and had rental income from an investment property..... and he has now asked for the second time this year to have less time with our son - 4 nights a month, when originally he took me to court for 1 week on/off.....
He has been really slow doing this years tax return telling me when its done its done so my child support has actually gone down as I earned more last tax year... but I have moved into a new house and the rent is higher, he knows this but has not given me any extra money to help.
I got onto the CSA today and told them he is having less time etc and they said they will speak to him and be behind me....
This man still tries to make me believe he has no money, that its so hard for him etc even though he has a top of the range plasma, fox, a new leather 6 seater sofa etc oh and a 3 week holiday to Argentina....
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't make allowances for him.
Child support is not a favour its the law. Stick to your guns and go through the legal channels..... it is fustrating, but do it by the book. It is hard managing financially as a single mum, $50 goes a long way.... and sometimes I've had to survive on $15 for 4 days till I got paid.... even though my son's dad knew what situation I was in, still wouldn't help.
Do it the legal way, its just too fustrating otherwise, and also you are still letting them have the power.
Good luck, and don't back down, and if worse comes to worse, don't speak to him about child support, let the child support agency deal with it....
but this is what happened.
the original orders from the prosecuting attorney were like this....
516 a month, and 25 bucks towards the back pay, for a total of 539.
i disagreed cause i wanted a parenting plan imputed in, as well as the fact it did not state who got the baby on taxes, or imputed the amount for childcare, which i am paying just about that. instead of sitting down and talking together like normal people wit a mediator, he spent money on a lawyer. so i had to get one too. instead of paying me anything towards what he already owes me?
well he got awarded partial for my attorney fees. and the attornys came to an agreement.
469 a month, plus 250 for half of daycare costs. for 719 a month. who knows what is going on with the back pay. but i was ok with that amount. we both signed on that.
now his lawyer is coming back saying he shouldnt have to pay because i work nights. i get off at 4 am, but dont pick up my baby till about 9 because she sleeps through. wasnt this done already?
and im having to wait, for dcs to start taking the money from his check, and i havent even seen the final orders.
Officailly I have 81% care but I am the one who receives the Family Tax benefit (thats what we call it in Oz) and when I filed my tax return I get a lower tax threshold cos I have the main care.
Don't back down.
I used to try and sit down and discuss like rational people, but you can't do that with a man who is on a control/power trip and wants to punish you, it just doesn't work.
Don't let yourself be intimidated by his Lawyer either. Sounds like the law is on your side anyway with him having to pay some of your court costs. Just let dcs deal with it, it will probably take ages....... but better it comes from his paycheck than you having to chase it every month..... which will probably happen the next few years if you don't set it up now.....
I'm going to have a fight on my hands..... but right now I don't care, I want what is fair for my son, with his Dad having less time so he "can have a life" it means I am now longer able to work weekends and am losing over $1ooo a mth... so he should pay higher. Over here it goes on how many nights care..... In fact I'm ready for a fight, he hasn't got the proof to pay less child support, and I have kept all his texts/emails about having less time and will submit that to the investigation team.
You owe it to your daughter to keep fighting this.
I can see though why many women just give up though, some of these men do not understand that the money they give for child support is for the child and not for the mother...
Good luck xx
and i have to work around HIS schedule for visitations? it just makes me sick. i will probably get his tax return though, cause he owes me some back pay. oh yeah. did i mention he gets extra money from the navy for having a dependant? oh.... and he gets to claim her on taxes every other year reguardless?
his plan was basically to pay me with my own money.
it really dont cost him shit. its annoying. i wish he would go away. fuck the money. excuse me, but seriously. id almost pay him to go away. (if i had money LOL)
my ex is now saying he will have more time (so he pays less C support)
yes its all about the Fathers in Oz - whatever they want, they get, a few years ago as my lawyer put it
"some namby pampy with no kids decided what is best for australian kids and that is one week on/off with both parents...
Would you believe some nut judge gave one day on/off custoday of an 6 month baby between its parents...
Big social experiment.....
Not that I'm saying Dad's can't do a good job, some men are fantastic and better than the mothers in some situations....
but there are a lot of men using this new law to hurt their ex and to reduce how much child support they pay.
Keep strong....... I know how you feel.
Speak to the department and maybe if you can file all the legal stuff yourself and even represent yourself in court.
but demands like, ok, im paying support, so the baby has to go to church.... or so on and so forth.
the statement i just got from his lawyer says that its MY choice to leave the baby at the sitters for an additional 2 hours. and he is not liable. becasue there is no reason why i cant wake the baby up to go home.
i hate it all. i think all us single moms should just get together on a island and fly in some cute men once in a while, ship them back when we done with them.... and forget the baby daddys'
The child support system in australia has recently changed, it used to be 18% of the Dad's wage, now both of our incomes are taken into account, less self support amounts, and the government has estimated how much it costs to bring up a child of a certain age, and then it is divided between us.... yes its fair if both parents are working full time, or have similar wages - but its not in this case - as I'm on an average wage... and he is on a high one.
Anyway I'm over fighting - his Mother had a chat with him and he's being a bit more reasonable and has said he will give me extra on top for clothes etc every few months..
wow his lawyer sounds like a hard nut - but would the judge see it like that? Lawyers really try to intimidate... you either have to compromise or just take your chances in court....
Have you thought of getting an live in aupair? They are quite cheap over here and is somthing I'm considering as I am studying Nursing next year.... so will be cheaper for me to have a live in than a babysitter when I do nightshifts..
Have a good day x
they say ok. so he makes x amount, you make x amount, and if you make zero they impute minimum wage anyway. and the difference between your to wages is the liablility they should pay. like he makes 71 percent more than i do, so he is liable for the 71 percent of 728 bucks that it "costs" to raise a baby. its all a pain really.
and a live in nanny? NO NO NO>>>> LOL i have a one bedroom place with my Boyfriend... and not alot of room in the fridge.... she might fit under the couch... i need friggin mary poppins... she could sleep in her purse! and if i had a live in nanny, his lawyer would say it was by choice, and he wasnt liable for her wages. so no nanny. but my friend that watches her is great. and she loves her. so ill keep her there as long as possible.
Its good you have a friend to watch her, good luck with everything, please let me know how you get on