Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
This is a long story, so please bare with me. You need to know a bit of the history before you can understand my dilemna.
I was married to a man who had twin daughters from a prior marriage for 7 years, and we divorced about 5 years ago. The mom wasnt in the picture though out most of our marriage and at the very end she decided she wanted to be back in her daughters lives. My daughter is not biologically my ex husbands, but he raised her from the time she was 6 months old, until she was 7 years old, so he is all she knew as a dad, and his daughters were her sisters (even if just step sisters).
We separated due to alot of family problems from his side, and of course from the biological mother. Everyone on his side of the family wanted her to be in the girls lives again even though she abandoned them and had nothing to do with them for nearly 7 years of their life. My daughter and I became more alienated and ultimately, I decided to leave with my daughter in tow. She didnt understand at the time, but I know I saved her alot of heartache in the long run from not feeling like she was truly part of the family, and the neglect she was already starting to get from his side of the family who we relied very heavy upon for child care during work and school (I was in college at the time).
The first year after our separation, my ex husband still wanted to see my daughter and she was still very involved with her sisters. After that, he decided he wanted to work on his family, and he didnt want my daughter to be a part of it anymore... this crushed her, but they moved out of town, and that was a good excuse to use as to why she didnt see them anymore. She still talks about them on occasion and wonders what they are doing. She still misses them.
A couple of years ago, I found out they moved back into town due to financial issues. I stumbled on this by accident as the twins mom posted to a yahoo group I was a member of. I havent told my daughter, I dont want to cause her any heartache of rejection. However, my significant other believes I should let her know (she is 12 years old now), and let her make the decision to reach out to them, even if the result is rejection. He says, if she finds out I knew all along and never told her, she could possibly blame me for a relationship she could have had with them, but didnt. I see his point, and I have asked other friends about this... I get torn responses... some say yes, some say no... I am not sure what to do.
So what do you all think? Has anyone had this dilemna.
Should I let her know, and risk having to deal with drama that will come with it, and the rejection she could possibly face? I fear it will be rejection as I found them family on FB, and they have blocked both myself and my daughter from being friends with the twins. Or should I just keep it to myself and act like I dont know? My significant other says I am lying by omission...but he respects whatever choice I make since I am the mother. I should know whats best, right?
I was married to a man who had twin daughters from a prior marriage for 7 years, and we divorced about 5 years ago. The mom wasnt in the picture though out most of our marriage and at the very end she decided she wanted to be back in her daughters lives. My daughter is not biologically my ex husbands, but he raised her from the time she was 6 months old, until she was 7 years old, so he is all she knew as a dad, and his daughters were her sisters (even if just step sisters).
We separated due to alot of family problems from his side, and of course from the biological mother. Everyone on his side of the family wanted her to be in the girls lives again even though she abandoned them and had nothing to do with them for nearly 7 years of their life. My daughter and I became more alienated and ultimately, I decided to leave with my daughter in tow. She didnt understand at the time, but I know I saved her alot of heartache in the long run from not feeling like she was truly part of the family, and the neglect she was already starting to get from his side of the family who we relied very heavy upon for child care during work and school (I was in college at the time).
The first year after our separation, my ex husband still wanted to see my daughter and she was still very involved with her sisters. After that, he decided he wanted to work on his family, and he didnt want my daughter to be a part of it anymore... this crushed her, but they moved out of town, and that was a good excuse to use as to why she didnt see them anymore. She still talks about them on occasion and wonders what they are doing. She still misses them.
A couple of years ago, I found out they moved back into town due to financial issues. I stumbled on this by accident as the twins mom posted to a yahoo group I was a member of. I havent told my daughter, I dont want to cause her any heartache of rejection. However, my significant other believes I should let her know (she is 12 years old now), and let her make the decision to reach out to them, even if the result is rejection. He says, if she finds out I knew all along and never told her, she could possibly blame me for a relationship she could have had with them, but didnt. I see his point, and I have asked other friends about this... I get torn responses... some say yes, some say no... I am not sure what to do.
So what do you all think? Has anyone had this dilemna.
Should I let her know, and risk having to deal with drama that will come with it, and the rejection she could possibly face? I fear it will be rejection as I found them family on FB, and they have blocked both myself and my daughter from being friends with the twins. Or should I just keep it to myself and act like I dont know? My significant other says I am lying by omission...but he respects whatever choice I make since I am the mother. I should know whats best, right?
serenityspeaks
If it was me no I would not tell her...this is not her real father or sisters and had he stayed involved that would be one thing but even if he talks to her again whats to say he won't bail out again. I would not want to put my child through that. Does she understand that its not her real dad though? good luck with whatever you decide((((HUGS)))))
spirit11
She does know he is not her real dad and those arent her real sisters, but it is people she spent a huge chunk of her life with (over half of her life with), so they do mean something to her. She doesnt remember any of the bad moments we had, only the good. I guess I should be happy its that way. I dont want to tell her. A couple of times I have come close to saying something, but just couldnt see the value in doing so because I do believe it will be rejection she gets. I guess I am just going to hang this up for now, and maybe explore it later... who knows, maybe the girls will find her and want to be her friend again... that is the real relationship she misses.
Join the Conversation
-
I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
-
I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
