Ive never done anything like this before but I'm at a point where I really have no one to talk to and express how I feel. I am a newly single mother to a 4 month old and a 4 year old, my ex of 7 years is an alcoholic and we separated when I was 8 months pregnant (April 2020). We have been on and off separating for the past two years hes very verbally abusive, always calling me names and accusing me when I literally did everything for him. I stayed home to watch our daughter so that he could advance in his career, he's very old-school so he doesn't do any cooking or cleaning so I did all that for him. He's been physically abusive, we've had situations with the police and child services and all our problems revolve around his drinking. He hides it, as spends all his money on it, gets drunk and breaks things in our apartment, he scares my oldest daughter. Finally I had enough when I was 8 months pregnant and he left me at the grocery store becuase he was drunk and in the same day drove and crashed his car with my 4 year old inside, he ended up going to the hospital and getting stiches, that coupled with the fact that my entire pregnancy he was horrible to me I packed his things and kicked him out. I am a child of divorce so my real only wish other than that my two girls are happy and healthy is to have a healthy co parent situation with him so the girls have a male figure in thier life, even though he is not a good role model he is still thier dad. I don't want anyone to really know about all the abuse is becuase for one if in the future we are able to co parents and do things for the kids I don't want any problems. Also i have all male cousins and uncles (my mom is the only girl with 5 brothers) and if they knew they would want to kick his ass. He has an addiction and I feel for him but hes not prioritizing his family alcohol comes first for him. Slowly Im telling my family and friends, minor details just that hes an alcoholic but nothing about the abuse, I feel like im living in a lie, I feel depressed and broken down all the time. We are living in a bad area, everything with covid, I'm starting to homeschool my daughter because she hasn't been assigned a teacher in virtual school yet. I feel like the world is spinning ans moving and I cant stand on my two feet and do what's right for my girls. Since after I had my daughter I started back smoking and im just very unmotivated and depressed. i keep telling myself the comeback is greater then the setback, and everyday plan to be better but then something makes me sad or I get fustrated with the kids and my motivation goes out the window. Life right now just sucks.