oh my goodness im so sorry! i dont have any advice on raising a teenager because my daughter is only 19 months old. i just wanted to tell you im praying for you and to hang in there! stay strong! : )

You can't blame yourself for trying. He's at the stage where he think that he is invulnerable and that he's practically an adult. And his hormones are raging, so there isn't much you can do. Trust me, I remember what it was like.
You can ground him, and he'll sneak out of the house. I think the best thing you can do is give him some options and let him know that he isn't an adult yet. Don't try to look down on him because he will only rebel more. Most likely you're not going to stop him from having sex, so try to let him know what some of the consequences are. There isn't much else you can do. He's growing up whether you like it or not.

I'm reading a book called "That's My Son". It is written for single moms and deals with a lot about sexuality and personal choices. I don't know if you can stop this now that it is in motion, but I do believe this book could impact the language you use in approaching your son. Particularly respecting himself and the women he is with.....

Best wishes to you. It is tough times, but even though he is having sex early he may find his way and have a really great life. It is common for boys to want sex. I would be really careful to try to keep him from pornography of any kind as it can be very destructive to life. If you read this book, it will help you I promise. Sort of help you realize what is MOST important to steer him from.

im wondering where is your sons dad in the bigger picture ? has there been a big change recently ?

teenagers go through a period where they think that they are invisible and nothing will come out of it. my ex (my sons loser fahther) at 26 yrs old still thinks that nothing will go wrong. he is an alcoholic. i didnt know just how much he actually drank and when i first got together with him i explained that should we decide to have sex he needs to wear a condom at all times because i am not allowed to use b/c due to a prior dvt. everytime he tried to get away without using one and after argueing with him i gave up fighting with him. everytime i kept saying you need to wear a condom because if you dont you are going to be a daddy whether you like it or not - i always got the " no no no thats not going to happen to me speech". well one night he was really drunk and forced sex upon me i suspected i was pregnant 3 weeks later and confirmed it for sure 5 weeks after he raped me.

hello i am 17 and i had just had a baby i only had it because i have no parents does he have a dad in his life if not try to find one i think i wouldnt of got pregnet if i had parents and not just a mom beacuase she died 3 wks befaor her grandbaby was born if u need more advice i will be happy to talk to you.

Thanks for the responses.. His dad has always been at a distance... He recently moved to Texas... But this isn't anything new.. My son grew up without his dad in his life.. He's always had a father figure though in a close family friend. We live out in the boonies and have a dog that barks at any little movement, so him sneaking out would be hard to do.. I'm not worried about that.. He finds other ways to "sneak out" like claiming to be at work when he's really out running around till midnight (this just happened this past weekend and now he has no job as he was made to call in and give notice).. I won't give him the key to lying to me.. Anyway..

sadbelly... I also had my son at 17 and it's because my parents didn't enforce any rules.. They were both in my life (divorced, but both were in my life as a constant presence just not as an authoritative one).. My mom allowed my boyfriend to stay the night because I was a spoiled child and that's what I wanted.. She allowed that.. My dad wouldn't have anything like that going on.. And I was living with my dad when I got preg. I can't say for sure what day or night he was concieved, but his dad lived on his own (he was a few years older) so we'd just hang out at his house... I was a great lier back then (Yeah I know.. I'm getting it worse then I gave)... Anyway.. I can remember being his age.. I was a girl obviously and didn't have any siblings so I really don't know how the 16/17 year old BOYs mind works.. But figure it is probably pretty similar to how mine worked back then.

I'm not a single mom but the parent to a promiscuous teenager. When she became "old enough' in her opinion to have sex, then in my opinion, she was old enough to support herself once she turned 18. We couldn't stop her from having sex but I stopped her from doing it here by moving her out of the house when she graduated. You won't be able to stop him, either, and as long as he's a minor, you have to support him. You can voice your disapproval all you want; he's making the choice of listening to it.


If he's adult enough to be screwing around, then I suggest he's adult enough to get a job and support himself once he turns 18. If he gets someone pregnant, he needs to be responsible for child support, not you and if he comes up with an STD, he pays the medical bills. If you don't like what he's doing, tell him once he's a legal adult that you're not going to enable his behavior and he'll have to get his own place and take care of himself and be responsible. Make it very clear to him that there are certain behaviors you will not tolerate, pick tough consequences and stick with them or you're going to end up supporting your grandchild, too.

I think the majority of teens have sex and I am sure that not all those parents are bad ones. I wouldn't look at this as the end of the world nor the beginning of anything that needs to continue.

I think it is critical to have the lines of communication open. Try to change things so that he can tell you anything. That way, when he thinks about having sex, he can talk to you about it. I do not think it is too late for this. (But then, I don't have a teen yet.)
I remember being a teen, and that my mother (single mom) would panic at the whisper of the thought of sex, so I never could talk about it to anyone except my friends and trust me, they were a bad source. In fact, I wanted to remain a virgin, but my best friend pressure me into having sex with someone. Anyone, just to get it over with. If only I could have bolstered my resistance with some wisdom from Mom.

Yes, he has done it, but it doesn't mean he thinks it was wonderful. Maybe it was confusing, guilty. you don't know until you ask. Maybe he felt wrong but will continue unless someone tells him, you really don't have to keep doing it. I would also go over the potential impact on the (3) girls, and how that may be different to what he feels.

I know that if my mother had told me what kinds of situations to avoid and why, what kinds of things boys said and did to manipulate girls into sex, what kinds of impact sex could have on you (not just the consequences, but the feelings), I would not have done it for a long long time.
At least it's worth a try!

as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.from the sounds of it he has choosen his path you can not unring a bell.But be ready(or not) to step up to the plate when he makes you a grand mom.you have done nothing wrong.

Perhaps I feel differently on this subject than many however I think the biggest issue in your scenario is the lying to you. Unfortunately, as disappointed as you may be in him (and yourself) realize that nothing can change the past. Open and honest communication may help you understand where he is and let him know where you are in your thinking. The sex is a big point but it's not the total issue - I don't believe you will get him to just stop nor do I believe that a parent can prevent their teenager from having sex if the kid wishes to. I hope that when I am faced with this issue I can keep an unclouded judgment and keep the communication open.
It's a great thing you are doing by getting him tested for STDs. The next thing I would advise is help him to understand the importance of not becoming a father or becoming infected if he is not or spreading a disease if he has contracted one. Get him to always practice safe sex if he's having it. Perhaps using a condom only minimizes these however it's much better to minimize the chances than to ostracize him for at least making that good choice. No doubt you are scared - he may be as well. He is not a horrible irresponsible person for being a teenager and having sex, after all I'm sure you can relate to those feelings as it wasn't that long ago. Try to remember what it was like and how being told you were wrong doesn't actually make you change your thinking on things. Do your best to make sure he knows you love him and have his best interest at heart. Then keep the lines of communication open any way you can. Lastly, love him with all your heart as he is your baby. I wish you luck and know that you are not a bad mother, in fact doing it alone and from such a young age you are an awesome mother!

My advice, don't accept this as the norm, but I wouldn't punish him for it either. I would let a respectful man that he respects speaks with him about the way women think. I would also scare him half to death and tell him how he will be raising children because women like to poke holes in condoms and do all kind of tricks. He will also not want to deal with a coniving girl who might move on to the next man and then he'll be paying child support for her and another man. While he struggling to make it, they spending his child support on their BMW and he wont be able to do anything. Go army on him! Give him more structure with chores and getting up early instead of punishing him. Make him do 100 push ups and crap like that. I'm not ready for all this stuff, I have two boys. OMG!

I'm 16 years old. I had great parents who taught me right from wrong but as teenagers we like to push our limits. try having an open discussion about what kind of girl he deserves, you know the nice girl you want him be with. try to not get angry with him or shame him because it might drive him away. sex was a non topic with my parents and I don't know if that would have changed the fact that I have 3 kids and another one on the way. I can't promise that what I'm saying will help in the least but it just might.

Cynthia