Hey there,
Speaking from experience being a child from a broken home, I can offer you this for the kids.

Talk to your kids about it. Let them know it is not their fault that you and their father are no longer together. Tell them what happend and don't beat around the bush. Let them ask questions and answer them honestly.

Now, from one single mom to another, find someone to talk to about it. Let your true feelings out. Cry if you want to. By you talking about it to someone, it may allow you a release, a way of letting go of the resentment that you feel and also allow you to grow stronger.

For me, I had to compartmentalize some things and keep the big picture in perspective. What I think and feel about the ex is irrelevant to the big picture. The big picture is that without a positive relationship with their dad, I could be doing irreversible damage to their mental and emotional well being and that comes before any hard feelings. Right now, I don't speak to him at all because he pissed me off however it is still better than arguing in front of the kids. And when I am in a really bad mood, I let him come chill with the kids and I go hang out somewhere else, even if it's my room. My kids will never be able to say I interfered with their relationship with their dad. And not only that, it hurts you too. The longer you hold on to it, the bigger it's going to get. Tina's right. You have to let it out. Write it to us if you need to. You know there won't be any criticism from us. Matter of fact, we'll even help bash him to make you feel better :) But you have to learn to separate your issues with him from his relationship with your kids. You may not be responsible for the breakup but you are both equally responsible for the well being of the kids after the fact and if the kids feel negative stress from you re: dad, you will be bringing stress on them. They may start to feel guilty about having a relationship with him for fear it will hurt you. Or worse, he gets them over on his end for his weekend warrior daddy duty and plays Superdad for 2 days. They come back to you, who let's say for example is rightfully stressed out because Dad didn't pay child support and it's put you in a pissy mood. Can't you just hear them say, Dad's right. Mom does have mood swings. or Mom is irrational and doesn't want to work things out. You will be feeding his fire and losing ground with your kids in the process. Don't let it get to you. Hard as it is to accept, you loved this man at some point enough to give him children. Try not to focus on what he did to you. That is personal. Focus on what good things he can bring to your kids, the things you liked in the first place. To help the transition, you might try getting the County you live in to help with visitation. They can mediate the drop off so you two don't even see each other until you feel more in control of your feelings. I know it's hard to let the anger go but please think about two things: one, you got rid of him, but you still are letting him get to you. Why? That hurts you more than it is hurting him. and two, Do you think he is wasting this much energy being angry with you? Then why give him the satisfaction of knowing he can still do this to you. Give me a holla if you need to vent. No judgement here. Been there and done that. I am now past a lot of this and maybe I can hold your hand while you walk through the minefield :) Good Luck.

Thanks for the advice girls. I really appreciate it. I am just so emotionally messed up over this situation. Even though i've broken up with him a thousand times before, i always end up back with him somehow. I am so tired of putting me and my kids through this. I honestly do try to talk to my older kids(i have one who is age 2 months, one who is 2 years and 6 year old twins) but i still feel guilty. I know that deep down this seperation is whats best for them, but i just can't let go. I want to so bad, but it is just so hard.Sorry for rambling... anyways like i said thank you and if u could lend an ear to me once in a while that would be awesome. Gotta go now, my kids are supposed to be asleep!