Just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I can't even imagine how hard it would be with four to look after. I have two and they are more than a handful some days. My family is up by Ottawa so they can't help. Thank god my grandmother is here. It is nice being able to go there for a visit. I don't know that I have any advice that you haven't already heard but I just wanted to let you know that I am here if you need to vent.

thank you Mi yeah i wish i had family here mine are in montreal so im prettymuch alone ,,,,,,,,,so yeah i do need a friend so i can share my everyday thing with thank you for listening and replying to me thank yiu hugzzzz

Hi Nancy,

It is hard and you proably do need a break. Is it possible to move to an area where you have more of a support system? If so make that a goal and create a plan. If not then see if your area has a babysitting co-op where you trade off and help each other out. You may also want to visit a doctor there are some great med that can help with the depression. Try and put yourself first. I know that is hard you think the kids are the most important but truth be told you are the most important person. If you are not happy, healthy, and engaged you are not giving your best to your kids. Please don't be sad. I was there just a few months ago. I yelled all the time. I was angry and stress about everything. There is always a new path to take if you are not happy with the one that you are on.

Wow.. you have a lot on your plate. No wonder you're at the end of your rope. It's hard to be patient when you're tired and also fighting depression.

I agree with labusnineh's comments. It's important to find some sort of support system and the baby-sitting co-op is a great idea. You really need a (guilt-free) break once in awhile.

I also agree about making an appointment with your doctor or therapist. Please take care of yourself.

Also, we have parenting communities for all your age groups... check them out too. If you have specific questions/concerns about your children, there are a ton of members to offer advice.

Best of luck to you!

Take a breath, sit down, take a look around. Thank God that you and your children have made it through all of your trials. Make sure you take a few minutes to take care of yourself every day. You can't take care of everyone else unless you take care of you. Let go of the anger, it doesn't change anything. Also, know that you prob. won't be alone forever, but know that you are not alone now. There are lots of us with the 24/7 job that are right there with you. Sharing how you feel helps, continue to do that. If I sound a little matter of fact, know that because I am terminally ill, I cherish every minute of time I have with my children, but I also get overwhelmed by responsibilities sometimes. Just follow the advice from this and the other postings, and soon you will be the Mom you want to be. Know that you and yours are in my prayers.

It's good that you are venting instead of holding it all in. I think there are many of us here that are like you, being Mom AND Dad and living far away from family and friends. I literally have no one to watch my kids either, so they are with me all the time (except rare times when Dad gets them). Doc visits, dentist visits, they are with me!

Is it possible like other people have suggested for you to move closer to family? Or maybe find a church or some group that could offer childcare sometimes, like a Mom's day out?

We are here for you, hang in there.

i want to tkank every one that replyed to me,,,,,,,it does feel good to talk about my everyday trouble .......after reading repange911 reply i realize that i shoulnt yell and get mad so often ,,,,that i should try to make the most of every minute with them getting angry is a waste of time ,,,thank you to all of yous ,,,,,,,,hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz thank you

Hey Nancy,
I am the single mom of 4 too, so I do share and feel your pain. My crew is a bit older now (20, 13, and two 11) but at one point I had 10, 4, and 2 2 year olds on my own. Trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Once the last two are in school it will help a lot. I am not here to lecture but I can tell you what helps me. Leading the family like a sports team is a good rule to follow. They have to help you and each other. Your two oldest don't have to take your place, but teach them that the more they help you with the little ones, the more available you can make yourself for them. Also, you will never get it all done so stop trying. No one will die if the kids room is messy or you have toys littering the living room floor. If you have toys in the living room and you feel stressed about it, sit down and play with them. I had forgotten how much fun I had with legos. If the dishes need to be done, get them to help. Even the 3 year old can dry stuff and for them it is fun. We are so busy being responsible for the big stuff, like school, doctors, dentists, sports, afterschool stuff, running the home, working, etc. so what if the dishes get done later. One of the things I have figured out is a lot of the stress I feel I put on myself. I have this idea in my head of what a good mother should be and do and if I don't hit the mark, I feel terrible. Then, I'd get mad because if their dad's were here, it would'nt be like that. Then I realize it's my fault because I picked the dad. Bad cycle to get into so don't do it to yourself. The bottom line is, 1)They were always your kids (remember the old saying, Mommy's baby, Daddy's maybe). You got to choose whether they got here or not and if you choose tomorrow that they see a different doctor or go to another school, the Dad's really can't say much. 2)You are a good mom who loves her kids and will do whatever is necessary to help them have happy lives. and 3)If one dad is an addict and the other has a personality disorder, do you really want them bringing their drama to your kids anyway? Do you really want them having the right to make binding decisions regarding your babies? When it really starts getting hard, start thinking about the basics. For example, you only have 6 and 7 years respectively to get your two oldest ready for the real world. How much of that time do you want to spend yelling? You know better than they do how fast that will go. And as soon as you get those two to 18, the other two will be where they are now. Whatever dynamic you set up with the first two is the one the other two are going to grow into so you want to create as positive a dynamic in your family as possible. Also, as someone who has been through the teen years once already, you want to pick and choose what you get upset about. There are a lot of things that are about to come your way with them and if you are yelling about the little things, they won't hear you when you are yelling about big important things. You really do have to pick and choose your battles. That said, you are under a lot of stress and being overwhelmed is totally understandable. My answer to that is Wellbutrin. Your doctor may recommend something different. But the meds work. They don't mess up how you function. They just help balance your brain chemistry out a little. I know you may want to stay away from all drugs but it sounds like an anti-depressant will help you out a lot (and may make it easier to stay clean by helping you deal with the stress). Feel free to shout it out with us right here. There are no bad mothers on this board. Only overworked, overwhelmed and usually underappreciated ones :) Write anytime. We are here. Peace, Lauren