Single Dads Support Group
This community is dedicated to fathers who are going through the parenting process alone or without the support of a spouse. Single parenthood is often opted for by the parent (as in divorce, adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate motherhood, or extramarital pregnancy), or an unforeseeable occurrence (as in the death of one parent or abandonment by one parent).
Hey guys, short story to catch up, I have a daughter 7 and a son 5, me and thier mom were married for 10 years, she worked 12 hour days EOW while we were married and I had the kids from the day they came home up till we divorced the first time (will get to that in a min) when they were 5 and 3 by myself, having them alone is nothing new to me. Me and X divorced like I said when they were 3 and 5, at that time we did 50/50 week on week off with the kids, that went on for about a year, we actually remarried, dated about 6 months and were in the same house about 6 months when she left the second time, we divorced again, I now have sole custody of the kids, she gets them Monday and Thursday's after school till 7:30 and EOW. She has been out of the house for about a year now.
Yesterday I took off work to attend my daughters school Christmas party (2nd grade) and she had a note to Santa that she had written in class asking him for toys and such, but she also asked him for a family. I was taken back, but said nothing in the school. When we got home I asked her about it, she immediately started crying, said she just wanted to spend time together with me and her mother, I asked her if she understood that me and her mother were divorced, but that we are still her family, and that we both still loved her very much, she said yes but ran to her room crying. I dropped it at that point.
I haven't really explained a lot to her during all of this over the last 3 years, she was 5 at the first split, she seemed to adapt fairly well, and so far this time she is happy the majority of the time, seems adjusted, she knows what days she will see her mother and is excited about it, and when her mother brings her back to my house she is all smiles and gives me a big hug every time, but she is bothered by the lack of us all being together, has anyone had to discuss this with their children of that age? Any advice on how to go about it?
Yesterday I took off work to attend my daughters school Christmas party (2nd grade) and she had a note to Santa that she had written in class asking him for toys and such, but she also asked him for a family. I was taken back, but said nothing in the school. When we got home I asked her about it, she immediately started crying, said she just wanted to spend time together with me and her mother, I asked her if she understood that me and her mother were divorced, but that we are still her family, and that we both still loved her very much, she said yes but ran to her room crying. I dropped it at that point.
I haven't really explained a lot to her during all of this over the last 3 years, she was 5 at the first split, she seemed to adapt fairly well, and so far this time she is happy the majority of the time, seems adjusted, she knows what days she will see her mother and is excited about it, and when her mother brings her back to my house she is all smiles and gives me a big hug every time, but she is bothered by the lack of us all being together, has anyone had to discuss this with their children of that age? Any advice on how to go about it?
My boys were10 and 6 when their daddy left. There were many questions for a while, and still some once in a while. They seemed quite bewildered that daddy just LEFT. He gave up and left and really none of us were sure why. He didn't leave much explanation. I have some ideas, but he was always kind of quiet but it really kept to himself the last few years in depression that he refused to get treated. So, offering an explanation to my boys seemed necessary. They needed answers. I really came to the conclusion that I was gonna be totally honest without saying too much and not totally throwing him under the bus because they are going to identify with being part of him as they get older. But very hard to say nice things because I was really hurt and PO'd so I chose to keep it short and sweet. I told them it was a sad thing that he wasn't going to live with us anymore, that we'll all miss having him around all the time, and that sometimes people do things that don't really seem explainable with a good reason. It's okay to be hurt and it's okay to ask questions to him when you see him and it's okay to tell him, me and other people if you are mad or disappointed about the situation because it's the truth. - They did ask him, but he didn't really have much to say to them about it. But I think no matter what we say to them it doesn't change their hurt. What they really want to hear is that it's all a mistake and our family will again live together. Sad, I remember thinking that when I was a kid too when my parents separated. All we wanted was our daddy back.
More than likely, now that she is a little older, the second divorce may be impacting her differently. I have four daughters and my oldest was 7 at the time we separated. She took it rather harder than the other three, who for the most part really didnt understand or know how to express questions about the new arrangement. So maybe just the age. Just love her, make her feel safe.