Shyness Support Group

Shyness is a feeling of insecurity that certain people experience while being among others, talking with others, asking favors of others, etc. The initial cause of shyness can vary. Scientists have located some genetic data that supports the hypothesis that shyness is at least partially genetic.

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vanessa92 07/23/2017

Hello everyone, I'm Vanessa! I am new to this so I am not really sure what to share and what not to share. I am a marriage and family therapy master's student and we are required to choose a support group that suits us. I feel that this group stood out to me because I have found that I am getting more shy as I get older and it really is annoying. I am attending an online school which is probably contributing to me being shy because I am not face to face with any of my peers like I was with my undergrad experience. I find that I get extreme anxiety when I have to speak in front of a crowd (people that I don't know, and even people that I do). Recently, my fiance and I had an engagement get together and our friends and my parents were there, and I could not even speak shortly to thank them all for coming. I experienced that red face, nobody look at me type of feeling and my heart races and I just cannot find the words. My fiance had to take over. I also have to attend residencies for my school and have already went to one and at first I was so nervous when I had to perform in front of everyone. I have another one coming up, and I don't think that I will ever be prepared to get through it calmly. I am hoping this group is helpful!

Jleemurpa 07/29/2017

Hi Vanessa from one of the shy ones. I have been asked on many occasions to do some public speaking or do some workshops with mostly high school age students and I have always felt like you: red faced, can't seem to find the right words, and my heart racing.
I have found what works for me is to find several objects to focus on other than the people I am suppose to be addressing: a spot on the wall for example. I am sorry I don't have the magic to make your shyness get better but understand you are not alone.
Just an after thought but you may wish to visit with a doctor about this condition. There are some mild medications which may relieve some of the anxiety. Just a suggestion.

vanessa92 08/01/2017

Thank you for responding. I was beginning to worry that this was not going to be a good group to join, but I was wrong. I have lived through many public speaking classes in high school and in college and always felt the same. Just recently has it been so bad that I find it hard to talk to any crowd even if I know them. Moving forward with school, I have this big residency coming and my only fear is acting as the counselor during the group session. Have you ever seen a doctor for this or taken any medication?

Jleemurpa 08/02/2017

I find it easier to deal one on one with people as long as we have a mutual topic or conversation to talk about. I work in a pediatric medical office who deals with parents and children every day. Hence the mutual topics to discuss with strangers.
For you the fact you are going to deal with a group session I assume it's on subjects you are familiar with which sounds like it may be easier for you?
As far my seeking help from a doctor? Some of my issues deal with the mild depression I have. When I am a good girl and take my meds it has helped me become a little more assertive at times. Still with the meds I am not an out going person in anyway. I believe one reason my husband and I get along so well is he is much the opposite. He can talk to almost anyone about almost anything and have them engage him in a conversation.
Try taking a deep breath and going ahead with it. Also during these group sessions prepare yourself to have the rest of the group help you along. Ask the other members for their input in the form of a question to the group. Not sure if this helps you but...let me know if I can help you any further.

vanessa92 08/03/2017

I guess I just have a mild case of shyness. I am an outgoing person but I get such anxiety in front of a group or even when I am alone and do not know where I am, such as an airport. I am familiar with the topics that I am going to be discussing and practicing but still find it so difficult to leave the fear of speaking in front of others behind. I am so thankful that I joined this group and have your feedback. I am going to work harder to take deep breaths and ask for help when I need it. I am feeling like maybe I really should see a doctor or maybe a counselor in person to understand myself better and where I can go from here.

Searchlight 08/05/2017

Theres two levels to this kind of anxiety. The fear of perceived as a coward for being overcome with fear and the fear if being perceived as a dumbass for performing terribly and for not being able to overcome the first. The first one is the the more severe one. To overcome your predicament there is no pill or combination code.

vanessa92 08/08/2017

Thank you for your response. Have you been able to overcome your fear?

jaraep 12/27/2017

I have the same fear and I am finding that getting to the root of the problem by asking myself questions like "what in my life has contributed to me being shy/this anxiety" and then acknowledging that those injuries in my life are valid but life is all about connection so I have to take responsibility for this trait I have and work on improving it. My second step has been talking about it in support groups like this one.

I haven't done an in person support group yet, but I hear they are very helpful in getting things off of your chest and just being around like minded people is comforting.

I started off as an MFT grad student and I've now moved over to school counseling, but I've found that many of us who want to be therapists actually need a lot of our own therapy. Haha

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