i can definatety relate. everyone is always telling me to be more assertive, one thing that works for me is i go alanon meetings because my husband is an alcoholic, i attended meetings for over a year before i talked, i felt like a freak but everyone said they understood and that it is hard for everyone to talk until you start and once you do it gets easier. try not to be so hard on yourself, take baby steps at first and just make small talk or make a suggestion, the more you speak up the easier it gets. there is also a great book called, Living fully with shyness and social anxiety, it is helping me alot.

Thank you for you response. It was helpful for me and I just ordered that book from amazon... there were a lot of great reviews on it as well. Thanks again for ur help. I'll let u know how I like the book.

I worked as a waitress in a truckstop on the overnight shift for 11 years. That taught me to be assertive and not take crap. However, now I struggle with learning how to be assertive without coming across as a real bitch. It is a difficult line to find middle of.

Hi eo. I've been shy all my life but I've learned to operate fairly well in the office place. Some people I work with probably don't have an inkling that I suffer from social anxiety. (That is if they don't ask about my weekends!)

I remember about 10-12 years ago my father mentioned in conversation (not as advice necessarily) that if you're the first one to speak up in a meeting you'll get noticed. I tried it and he was right! I distinctly remember one meeting where I spoke up and suggested some solutions for a client.

After I made the suggestions it started a line of conversation where I was heavily involved. I was so nervous I was restraining myself from jumping out of my chair! I made it through the meeting and my boss was impressed. That experience gave me the courage to speak up in other meeting and conversations and I built up my confidence.

Give it a try! Maybe it will work for you. :-)

i don't have much in the way of suggestions but i wanted to chime in. i have tons of trouble being assertive, especially with family (siblings my whole life and now my wife). i've found a few things helpful:

telling myself i have as much right to be here as they have, my ideas are as valid as theirs, and i deserve to be happy and healthy as much as they do.

telling myself i am the only one who gets to decide what kind of treatment i'm willing and not willing to put up with.

Its not easy for us. I sometimes just take a deep breath andwork up to it and just try to blur it out. Sometimes I can and some times not. Thats just what I do.

thank u all for ur responses and helpful advice, I am going to try ur suggestions and hopefully work towards some kind of change in my life. i don't want to be like this forever.