Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hello everyone - Hope this finds you well and in a thoughtful mood!
I hear a lot of people bantering about "good vs. bad" therapists and there have been horrendous stories that I myself could tell of what makes for a Bad Therapist - but in your mind I was wondering --- what makes up a Good Therapist to you?
I know for my part, the best therapists I have had in the past presented open, positive attitudes toward me, showed me respect regardless of what I said or asked them about, set appropriate boundaries and respected the boundaries I set for the sessions, and actively listened.
As far as bad therapists go - I have had my share of them also - I had one therapist that fell asleep while I was talking to him and that was the last time I saw him - another one had me deliver Christmas gifts to people he knew in the town I lived it - large, lavish gifts, while he gave me a rolled up calendar with his agency plastered all over it. Plus he called ahead and told them "one of his clients were coming by with gifts" - it was sleeting weather and I had a horrible drive to their house, only to realize, once I got there, we had gone to school together and they went to the same church as my sister. Last session with him (plus a call to his licensing agency due to the break in confidentiality).
But, I have had several who were phenomenal and some who were just good --- And all of them presented a kind heart and a willingness to help, knew how to ask the tough questions in easy ways all the while building a solid rapport with me based on respect and trust.
So I was just kind of wondering - what qualities do you require in a good therapist?
Refuse2quit
I hear a lot of people bantering about "good vs. bad" therapists and there have been horrendous stories that I myself could tell of what makes for a Bad Therapist - but in your mind I was wondering --- what makes up a Good Therapist to you?
I know for my part, the best therapists I have had in the past presented open, positive attitudes toward me, showed me respect regardless of what I said or asked them about, set appropriate boundaries and respected the boundaries I set for the sessions, and actively listened.
As far as bad therapists go - I have had my share of them also - I had one therapist that fell asleep while I was talking to him and that was the last time I saw him - another one had me deliver Christmas gifts to people he knew in the town I lived it - large, lavish gifts, while he gave me a rolled up calendar with his agency plastered all over it. Plus he called ahead and told them "one of his clients were coming by with gifts" - it was sleeting weather and I had a horrible drive to their house, only to realize, once I got there, we had gone to school together and they went to the same church as my sister. Last session with him (plus a call to his licensing agency due to the break in confidentiality).
But, I have had several who were phenomenal and some who were just good --- And all of them presented a kind heart and a willingness to help, knew how to ask the tough questions in easy ways all the while building a solid rapport with me based on respect and trust.
So I was just kind of wondering - what qualities do you require in a good therapist?
Refuse2quit
Thanks for the input!
Refuse2quit
That is terrible - as I said I have had good and bad therapists, but really I don't think that I would be able to have made the progress I have without the good ones. And the bad ones taught me how NOT to be a therapist and what I would NOT allow in my sessions. As I said a good therapist will respect your wishes - you are the one shelling out the money. I am glad she was honest with you upfront rather than just bullshit you and take your money.
What a shame - there are some really GOOD people out there who can help so much - but sometimes you have to pick through several before the right relationship develops for you.
All my best-
Refuse2quit
Another so called psychologist, in a detox, attacked me (verbally) and caused much pain. She also sent me to a very abusive drug and alcohol rehab, then kicked me out of her clinic when I came back for help.
I've had a psychiatrist (bulk billed, which means he was free on medicare) - he saw me for all of 15 minutes. He was angry, and accused me of being drug affected, which I wasn't. I was suicidal when I saw him - and he knew it. Still angry about that one.
I've also had a so called psychotherapist, who expected me to talk to myself, while he dozed off in front of me.
And so on. My best ever therapist, was a psychologist, he was very wise, very compassionate, very strong, very stable, and very genuine. He also had a great sense of humour!
He was also incredibly patient. He never told me I should be 'over it' or 'time to let go' or any of that. He always accepted me just as I was. He also confronted me a lot, but I knew he only wanted the best for me.
He died 2 years ago, and I've been a bit lost since.
Confrontational approaches can be very useful, if handled correctly - Years ago I was having a panic attack while in college and I went to the "on call" therapist - she had never met me before and I was in sheer panic when I entered her office. Immediately she jumped into a confrontational approach, told me I was being a "baby" and that I needed to just "get my shit together and get back to class" - I left feeling worse than when I went in. I told my regular therapist about this and he set up a meeting between myself and her with him present. I told her that I knew all about confrontational approaches, and one of the main components of a successful confrontational approach was to first have a basic rapport built BEFORE the confrontation. She just kept shirking her inability to connect with what I was going through and I basically told my therapist there was no more reason to go through with the meeting if she could not understand the damage she did. He agreed and as he was her supervisor, she did not leave the meeting in a good mood. But he allowed me to at least confront her behavior and how she would someday say such to someone that would go out and hurt themselves over her words and attitude.
As I said, I think we all have horror stories - and this is a good post to vent them on. But I do hope others will be able to see what to look for in a therapist, although that can mean different things for different people -
Thanks again for the input.
Refuse2quit
"You mean this giant hand comes down through the roof of your building and drops money into your hands?" he asked. I replied with "No but someone will write a check and declare that they felt led by God to give this amount to us. And it always was the exact amount that we needed." He then proceeded to warn me about the dangers of alcohol and told that I needed to get help with my alcohol problem. The only problem was, I didn't drink alcohol and I never brought the topic of alcohol up at any point during our meeting. But no matter how much I emphasized the point, he ignored me and wrote in my chart that I suffered from severe alcoholic hallucinations. What a moron!
I agree - what a moron. One point that I mentioned about "good therapists" is that they should be open minded and willing to understand your beliefs, without writing your experiences off to hallucinations. I once went to a Christian Psychologist because I was very concerned about my faith being respected. Believe it or not, this was the jerk that asked me to deliver his Christmas Gifts to a family that I later found out I knew. He was FAR from my idea of a Christian as he was very judgmental and was very willing to blame my mother for everything, even though she was very supportive of me and tried everything she knew to assist. He even told her off in a phone call she made to him to talk to him about my depression. He really did damage to her and probably added to her already overwhelming depression through his judgement of her. This man had NO idea of proper boundaries and this I reported him.
The fact is, the therapists that respected my beliefs and were open to believing that PERHAPS they did not know everything that was possible under the heaves, well, I have no idea of their personal belief systems. They were not the subject of the sessions, I was. They respected me and worked within MY beliefs, and used my faith to assist me, not to tear me down. I do hope you got away from this therapist quickly, as he sounds unable to accept that there may be something he does not believe in or understand in the universe. As I said, I look for a humble heart in my therapists, those who are willing to look into the framework of MY beliefs and use the strengths that this provides me with rather than write them off as "superstitions and hallucinations" - a person's spirituality can be (and usually is) a very positive and empowering aspect to access for support and to utilize toward healing, rather than to ignore or use to invalidate the individual.
In the Social Work classes that I attended spoke of the "holistic" approach to clients - this means that we were to look at the totality of the individual, the mental, physical and SPIRITUAL life of the individual. Research has shown, repeatedly that those who believe in a higher power live longer and have more positive outlooks to healing and life in general.
I do hope that you have found someone that respects your core beliefs - whether they are Judea-Christian, Wiccan, or atheist. They are YOUR beliefs and you have a right to maintain them, especially if they work for you.
All my best - and thanks to all for your replies - I have already learned a lot about what others see as "good" therapists and what makes for "bad" therapists.
Refuse2quit
That nails it for me...though knowledge about trauma and the damage it does is also really beneficial, as I've found.
My therapist isn't perfect, but she's damn good, and I've been seeing her for 7 years off and on.
...I was complaining about how hard it was to work full time and go to college as well while feeling wretched...
...Thanks for the lowered expectations, dude!
...But I see docs doing their residencies for med adjustments. Psychiatrist-of-the-month club.
Mostly I think "such NICE young people..." :p
I think a good therapist is a good listener with good boundaries. While sometimes I wish I knew more about the person I share some of my scariest memories with, I know why that boundary has to be there. I think that I trust my therapist more then most others from my past because of her consistency, her steadiness. It's always comforting in my eyes to know where to go, I guess because of this I take chances I never would have been comfortable taking before. She is very inabsightful. I guess I just found a good therapist:)