justanother4159

"...just waiting for /recovery/ to happen or ...expecting counseling to do it for you" is not wise, IMO. Waiting for recovery to happen leads to a passive life and expecting counseling to do it all could be disappointing.

While I believe counseling is critical I also believe research, education, support, body work, emotional release, etc., also play important roles in recovery.

Although I can't say I had a recovery plan I did have a strong commitment to heal--no matter what it took. And with that commitment firmly in mind I went out and experienced many different means of healing. Some were a good fit for me and some were not.

We each have to discover what works for us because we are different people with different experiences of abuse. However, I think that one of the most important things to do, regardless of our history, is to learn to listen to and trust our gut--whether we have plans or not.

xx
SuzA

I'm not asking this to be a jerk but what does research have to do with recovery?

I couldn't agree more with what Suz said, healing can come in many forms according to the person and their experiences, everyone is different.

I don't think waiting for or expecting recovery would be of much help, I believe it takes a lot of work and support to do so.

I did not have a plan because I did not know what would help me. I've had issues with disassociation and trust, so even if I would go to counseling it didn't always help. Therapy always felt very impersonal to me, I hated the thought of someone being paid to listen to my problems, but it helped me a little and I am grateful for it, What helped me the most was finding people I trusted enough outside of therapy to confide in.

first six months - waiting for it to go away - next year and half - hoping counseling would fix it. Then remembered the early childhood abuse and realized why all this was going on. Then I started getting pro-active. Reading, researching, joining SA support groups, etc. Found DS :) At this point in time I am relying on my counselor(s) to lead me in the right direction (in the process of switching right now) but also trying to pro-actively follow there advice. I am pretty knowledgeable about all that's going on now, though there is always more to research! I'm also trying to get myself out of the house more - I have been way to isolated. If I can get out, make some friendships (and have a few I trust enough to talk about this stuff) and continue to work through stuff in therapy, I think this will work.

Oh, and there is the God factor. We're not really on speaking terms right now (per my choice) but I still am trusting that he is leading me through this.

I am going to a Christian Counselor and have talking sessions and work with horses equine therapy. It is very helpful and insightful I journal my flashbacks and I just tried as I felt a flashback come on just start writing. I think I was pretty close to what the flashback was and my flashbacks were not so dramatic. I hope that keeps up because I sure do not like flashbacks. I believe the Lord for my complete healing, it has been about 3 months since I started remembering past events over a life time of mine. Counseling for me is a big part of it. It is not easy though. I am doing more with my family like bike riding , playing board games. got rid of our tv . I think counseling gives me sounding board. and the horses are very social and they have taught me a lot about myself. I do research to learn more and read a lot about the issue. My husband researched it a lot. also. He helped get ideas on how to help pstd. I have been to sitting in an office and just talking that would not have worked for me.

Rich:
I found that it was hard to actually "plan" a recovery - I agree with SuzA66 that you can steel yourself to face whatever comes along, but seldom do we know exactly what to work on or when. Sometimes people find that they need a counselor or therapist to make some sense of the overwhelming issues that they are dealing with. A trained therapist can help you to find the best place to start, help you to identify what lies behind the emotions and the best step-by-step method to deal with the smaller bits and pieces that make up the overall healing process.
Again, the best "plan" in my opinion is to just try to prepare to venture into the unknown or face the hard emotions and mental stress that can come with the process.
Reading and researching other's stories can be very helpful, but this is a two edged sword in my opinion - if you immerse yourself in all the technical therapy approaches then it can be like reading a medical journal - I can read the DSM and start thinking "hey - I have symptoms of this or that disorder" - researching the possible effects of abuse can lead you into thinking that you have some that you really don't experience, or at least not to a level of high concern. That is why therapists often recommend reading such material as workbooks instead of diagnostic stats - we can "read" a lot into our psyches and self-diagnosis is rarely accurate.
These are just my perspectives on the subject. I know that had I tried to form a "healing plan" years ago, I would have had to re-write the goals so often that the plan itself would have seemed to fail in many ways. So my goal was to overcome the abuse - do whatever I could, but overcome it no matter how hard or hurtful it was at times. I had lived through the abuse, I knew I would survive the after effects as they were just residuals of the abuse, not the abuse itself.
Best of all-
Refuse2quit

I have done a lot of research and it has helped tremendously...
You can not change what you don't understand...

Everything combined with applying it to myself an keen self-awareness has made a big difference in my life.

I never did found any good counselors with as much research as I have done I feel like I know more than some of them NOT all of course....But some are a disgrace to their profession and can do more harm than good.

I agree with the taking recovery into your own hands.Or at least being a very active participant with your therapist.

Sorry worded that wrong...Not so much that I know more than some of the counselors I consulter with but that I understand more deeply, yes.

Research , for me, is a slippery slope. That is not to mean that I remain ignorant of the subject of trauma, abuse etc.

I actually need to have some knowledge for my job. I've studied a bit of psychology in college but am by no means an expert. For me I find that self analysis is disastrous.

Just like the people who read the side effect of a new med then begin experiencing all those side effects, I will start creating issues I don't have. Many of my issues are , if not created, then amplified by me spending too much time inside my own head instead of dealing with my reality.

My goal is to become the person on the outside that I am on the inside and to develop healthy relationships so I need to balance the inward with the outward.

Cecil
For me what research means is that I understand my history and my diagnosis given by very good professionals very well, that I know the symptoms that are common to the aftermath of abuse so that I do not attach them to a flawed that is inherent in me but that I understand that those are the damage that abuse does to our self-esteem, self-worth and that with time, understanding and processing they can change.

I had never experience the placebo effect about anything I have read....But I can see that if someone has hypochondria they very well could,......So yeah you have a point.

However if you truly understand I don't think that is a huge concern.

About planning. I don't think I ever had a plan but a willingness.

Yeah - I believe the only real planning you can do is to be prepared to approach healing with an open mind and be ready to be surprised by what you find. Be open to change and willing to see possibilities of help whether it comes from a book or another survivor or a therapist. Because again, if you know enough to "plan" a recovery, then you probably do not need help to do it...does that make sense?
Anyway, that is my thinking - I had no idea where my recovery would take me - I just had to be willing to go with the healing, go through the process and put in the work, whatever that would be.
Refuse2quit

Just keep going, just keep going...

I don't think it'll ever stop.

thank you for your comments. I wasn't expecting much interest in this post. so it is a surprise. As to the research question - that may be a little missunderstanding abpit waht i was asking. It is more towards educating ourselves. As to a plan. that also is a nebulas question and while i had a very comprehesive plan for my recovery that worked very well, it was a plan that evolved as my recovery evolved. In truth it was more a guidline to get me started. Rarely does any plan unfold as it is expected. However it served as a great catalsyt for my recovery. So from my pointo of view my plan was to identify use tools and techinque for dealling with my abuse. this meant for me extensive research on all aspects of abuse and it affects. Put more simply - research was my way of educating myself so i could come up with a planned approach to recovery.

great anwser and thank you all

rich

Recover ug wow seems like lots of work lol.

Ok so for me when my husband was compassionately reassigned to a new post we chose the post with my treatment in mind, so i guess you could call it a plan. I started therapy once a week and group once a week as well as started the process for a service dog. Now with all that in mind i knew that a lot of the work would be mine, for i am the only one who can save me. I have to work truthfully with the therapist, as well as get as much as i can from the group. I am the one responsible for training my River every day so she passes the Public Access test required for her certification.

I also did research in to PTSD, but not so much on sexual trauma. I still cant handle even tv shows with it in there. I feel that recovery will not usually come to one who tries to go it alone, although some may feel they have and yet haven't, and some may actually do it. I dont think one can simply wait for recovery to come to them. and i also dont think that counseling will do it for you alone.
For the definition of recovery for each individual may be different.

What Recovery is to me: first my physical injuries had to heal, and those with the help of a great nurse. I needed the kit done, and was given all meds. I tested on time for every few weeks to months needed to tested for stds. I had a bit of a limp after as well that had to heal. Second: my heart, and brain. that I have been activily working on since jan. 2013. it was after we had moved and court was over. They didn't want me going and doing the therapy while i was in court bc frankly they wanted me as messed up as i could be for the stand, and that took a year. The hours on stand with victim blaming added to my mental instabilities. I ended up suicidal before the last of court and went to impatient care. I didn't help too much, but we did realize it we the meds i was on, and i was able to go through withdraw at a hospital from them.

Now what is recovery to me. Recover for me is to go out alone and not spaz out completely. Its to learn to trust again with out the voices in my head telling me im stupid for trusting. Its going a few days at a time with out thinking of the abuse and then going a few more days without it. Its being able to talk about what happened. Its being more high functional on a lively and daily basis. Its trying to find a new me, bc i know that getting back to the old me will never happen.

I will say i have classified myself as a Survivor and not a victim now. after months of hard work to learn why i feel the way i do and how to protect myself as well as how to work through flashbacks and triggers in a better way than cutting, drinking, or getting high. I am surviving, I am learning who to be again. I am going out alone again.

For you I hope to do the same or something similar. Work with a support group, any family you have who supports you. come here and vent when ever you need, journal. go to therapy, go to a group when your ready. I feel it takes lots of personal work, work from your family or a family member, work form professionals, and maybe even a furry friend to cuddle with at night. I do agree research might help, but dont expose yourself to something that may trigger you, little at a time. Its all baby steps. every thing. day by day it gets better as you work towards a better happier life, the life that has gone from victim, to survivor, and recovered. Sometimes we will all slip into one habit or another, the trick is learning to recognize the slip, get up brush yourself off and keep going.

Dory is the best fish in the world, "just keep swimming" as she helped her friend along his journey. Marlin wasn't alone he had her to help, and along his way he accepted help from others who knew the way. In the end things weren't as they were at the beginning, but they were better. All with work, some soul searching, and some help from others. (i know it sounds dumb but i love this analogy)