To me, loving yourself means being at peace with yourself. I have so much inner turmoil going on right now that it is hard to love myself. I am able to love myself when this inner turmoil dies down and I am no longer fighting with myself.

For me, loving myself is actually being able to express (and thus identify) my feelings.

Thank you all. I came back to see if anything had been added and the things that were written were all things I needed to hear two days before my mother's funeral.

What came up for me as I read these posts was my stalwart determination NOT to live in the shadows of my perpetrators. They said, by their actions, that I was unworthy---at least that's what my child self believed.

That little self thought, "something is wrong with me, I must be bad already or they would not treat me like this." And for over 40 years I believed and made that belief reality through my behaviors.

I don't care what feelings may drive me now, I refuse to cave in and make those men and women who hurt me right. I will not re-abuse nmyself in any form.

I will not make them right by wronging myself.

I love myself enough to fight for total healing. I love myself enough to fight to BE the person I am; not what the abuse and people who abused me told me I was. I will no longer lie down and let others hurt me.

I am a law unto myself. I am grounded to the molten core of earth and connected to the other side of heaven.

I will not be the abuse in thought, behavior or belief. I fight because I love myself. I fight because they took self-love from me once. They, nor no one else, will ever take it again.

SuzA

Perfect SuzA. Just Perfect! I had to copy what you wrote so I can keep it with me. Thank you.

I'm sorry about your mom, and I'm sorry you have to endure the trauma of the family stuff, now... Stay strong! And thank you for sharing your strength!!

SuzA66,

Thank you for this post. I have learned a lot from this post. In Nov/Dec I was struggling with this topic. I knew it was something I needed to work on. I was lead to scripture about love and was revealed to me how to love myself. This was my list that I had gathered.

I need to be patient with myself
I need to be kind to myself
I need to stop being rude to myself. (Negative talk about myself)
I should NOT be easily angered to myself.
I should keep NO records of my wrong doings. (Confess, ask forgiveness, and move on)
I need to rejoice in the TRUTH.
I should always protect myself (no self harm)
I should trust myself
I should have hope in myself.
I should persevere in myself. (to not give up on myself)(Suicide could fit in here)


I hope you are doing well my friend, grieving can be a long process. I have lost both of my parents.

Gosh, I am SO GLAD that you brought up this topic. Because I was also one who is learning how to love myself and others. I have all this anger (and a lot of it is directed at me in the way of depression). Unfortunately, I have directed anger at others and lost a lot of friends in the last year. So at least I am learning the cause of the anger and expressing myself.
Now, I am learning to love myself, respect myself and sabotage myself by directing anger at the small things that other people do to me. Thanks for helping me learn the tools to go about changing. I am a newbie and I need to know the right way to go about expressing my rights without causing ill will.

I am so glad this came back up. It is definitely a reminder as I begin this new year. I don't know what's ahead of me, but I know that I carry 100% of the power to love myself. That's in my control.

Dearest Friends:

Yesterday I was talking with the woman who is coaching me through a number of things. I told her I was feeling blue because some of my expectations about how I think people SHOULD respond didn't happen.

I mean, really. The clue was right in my face. The "S" word. That in itself would have led any person with a drop of awareness to realize they were off base. You know the saying, "Don't should on yourself." Well, I did. I "should" all over myself.

But, she was too kind to tell me that. Instead, she helped me to realize that any time I put my expectations on others I'm setting myself up for a fall.

And more importantly, she helped me to realize how much ammunition I was giving to the story-teller in my head; right, the one who tells me, "People will take advantage of me, that I'm not enough" and/or "That people do not really love me, find me interesting, like me, etc., etc.

So every time a friend or one of my sisters does not return my calls, or buy me a gift, or spend more time with me, or criticizes me, or does not hug me, or does not make a special stop to see me, etc., the story I tell myself is that I am either not important enough, am too boring, have nothing to offer, am...well, this could go on and on. But, you get the idea. I'd beat myself up for not being good enough in some area.

And in a roundabout way, it was also approval-seeking behavior on my part. That just blew me away.

What it really boils down to is me not loving myself enough. When you love yourself deeply, coach said, then someone could spit at you and it won't press those self-depreciating buttons. When you love yourself enough the story-teller in your head begins to tell uplifting stories.

She said when you love yourself and know your own worth, others cannot devalue you, no matter what they do. WOW. I realized that at some level, but now it's coming to the forefront.

I asked myself if I could love myself deeply enough so that no one's behavior could take me to that torture chamber in my head and I heard my inner self say, "Yes."

To help me realize such love, coach asked me to e-mail her every day for the next two weeks telling her why I love and cherish myself. She asked for no less than five reasons on each e-mail. That's 70 reasons I love and cherish myself.

And don't just list, she said, but stop and experience the full impact of the words you are writing. I've come up with 111 reasons so far and just added another reason to cherish myself---it's my love for survivors.

I did not have the experience of being loved as a child so I feel like a baby learning to crawl. I know I'll fall flat on my face at times. But, I also know I'll get up again, and again, and again, and again, and again---until I crawl right into the arms of love---mine.

Why do you love and cherish yourself?
xxx
SuzA

HopeNHim, timetraveler, SoulBird8:

I believe there are no accidents in the universe. For me, the reappearance of this post is perfect timing. Self-love is what's up for me right now.

HopeNHim, your list is so powerful and when I read past, what I call "the set-up" words, it became even more amazing.

I know that when I tell my self that "I should" do something or that "I need to" do something it either becomes a chore or a set-up for failure. If I "should" do something and don't then that gives the negative person in my head permission to beat me up.

So, I'm teaching myself to be patient with me, to be kind, to challenge the negative self-talk, to keep no records of wrong-doing, to rejoice in the truth, to protect myself, to trust myself, to have hope in myself, to stay the course, and to express anger in healthy ways. I love your list. And I especially love your Source. Thank you so much for sharing it.

timetraveler: Your awareness is absolutely awesome.

SouldBird8: Love your message because it is right-on. I also don't know what's up for me in this coming year but whatever it is I plan to be there for myself. Like you say, "I carry 100% of the power to love myself."

xx

i'm inspired by all of you...i don't really know what it means to love myself yet. i've pondered over the thought, but i'm not there yet. loving myself seems like such an off and distant concept. you guys have given me hope though, and i'm happy for each and every one of you.