Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I reported my stepfather back in June. I can't remember if I said on here but it was recorded about a month or so back as "no further action" basically the police didn't pass it on to crown prosecution services. I didn't understand why until this Monday. The officer in charge of the case came around and she explained there were a few weaknesses that, taken alone, would not have affected the case, but together weakened it too much for a prosecution.
The first being that my counsellor had initially written down I had mentioned "sexually inappropriate behaviour" rather than "sexual abuse" although that is mentioned later on in the notes. This makes sense I me as it takes me a while to open up and explain things thoroughly.
Secondly, the guy I first disclosed to over a decade ago, gave a different version of events from me. Again, not surprising, he hasn't spoken to me in over a decade and I never went into the gory detail, mainly because after I told him I was desperate to convince him not to kill my stepfather or to tell anybody else.
Third, my stepfather is a character of good standing. No prior convictions.
Fourth my aunt (not sure why she was interviewed, she was nothing to do with anything) have a different version of events from me, claiming I had told her about it, I hadn't. It transpires that she was mentioned to the police by either my step father, mother or sister.
Fifth, and the most painful for me, my sister and my aunt both told the police they believed I was lying.
I'm done with my sister, she hasn't spoken to me in nearly six months anyway, but I can't have her in my life knowing that either she thinks that I lied or that she is willing to lie to the police to save him. I'm devastated.
The first being that my counsellor had initially written down I had mentioned "sexually inappropriate behaviour" rather than "sexual abuse" although that is mentioned later on in the notes. This makes sense I me as it takes me a while to open up and explain things thoroughly.
Secondly, the guy I first disclosed to over a decade ago, gave a different version of events from me. Again, not surprising, he hasn't spoken to me in over a decade and I never went into the gory detail, mainly because after I told him I was desperate to convince him not to kill my stepfather or to tell anybody else.
Third, my stepfather is a character of good standing. No prior convictions.
Fourth my aunt (not sure why she was interviewed, she was nothing to do with anything) have a different version of events from me, claiming I had told her about it, I hadn't. It transpires that she was mentioned to the police by either my step father, mother or sister.
Fifth, and the most painful for me, my sister and my aunt both told the police they believed I was lying.
I'm done with my sister, she hasn't spoken to me in nearly six months anyway, but I can't have her in my life knowing that either she thinks that I lied or that she is willing to lie to the police to save him. I'm devastated.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
You have lost so much, and for what?
But you told the truth. That is essential for YOU. And you let everyone know that you're not playing the denial game with them. Even though no tangible benefit has come to you from all this, surely there is some kind of deep meaning in it for you. And in terms of your healing, and your relationship with your inner child(s), it is deeply meaningful and healing.
I can understand your deep distress, feelings of betrayal and feelings of powerlessness in the face of all this. But what you did was such a powerful thing to do. As someone in her 50s who has never confronted anyone about anything that was done to me, you have deepest respect and honor.
And I also want to say that you may have done more good than you will ever know. I look at some of the issues my daughter has and I will probably always have the fear that "something" may have happened with my father, because my denial prevented me keeping her completely away from him. You will never have to face that doubt.
I agree with DW - you told the truth and that is powerful. And even if your family says they don't believe you they actual may on some level. My feeling is that they are in denial about it and very scared. I hate how much denial there is in abuse.
I hope you can move on from this disappointment and continue on your healing path.
(hugs)
I went to the police on my step dad also after he abused my daughter. Near twenty years earlier he molested me. I didnt report that I did tell my mom but she chose to stay And ignore it. I didnt even know I should report it at the time and by the time I went to counseling it was to late. If it had been dealt with earlier it would have helped maybe not right away but down the line my daughter and the other grandchildren. So even if you cant see the good now it will be there. My brothers also protect the step dad and have children and everything but I did what I could and then some if thats what they want than its on them. Im cut off from all my famimy but im happy with my choices I wouldn't do it any other way because it is the right thing to do. So I move forward forgetting what is behind. Dont let them hold you back they are not apart of your destiny. I leave the door cracked open if they come to their senses great but im not going to convince them of anything they refuse to see. Stay in your tRuth. As far as the police look justice is seldom served my daughter will have no legal justice but I feel confident God will vindicate me and be the final judge. It may seem like they win now but trust me later they will answer for it. Glad im not them looking down the end of my life with that on me. Stay in peace.