Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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paythesoul32 10/17/2017

Hello this is my first post on here. To start off I've been dealing with depression for many years. I'm 25 and have kept a secret for a long time. When I was 7 to 8, my baby sitter (who happens to be my mom's best friend's son :(( ) started to do sexual things. Since I was never raped, or even forced to do anything like oral I'm always a bit confused about the abuse. I hate to say it, but I'm always wondering what to label it or if I'm being dramatic. Anyway, to make it more clear he would undress me ( I always wore a dress that was easy to unbutton like overalls) and he would forcefull kiss and make out with me and touch me. I did tell him to stop but this went on for months and months everytime it was just me and him and his brother was gone. But he never took my underwear off or his own. However other times he would only wear underwear and grind on me from behind (hump) while he "helped" me play video games. Over time it escalated to this, but then we moved. I always wonder if it would get worse if we stayed. Anyway, I think since he never took his underwear off I struggle with what this was or even meant. I often think maybe he was just practicing because he was around 15/16. However, I'm still forced to hear about him and see him due to being close friends with his family. It's my mom's best friend and it has been a major reason why I haven't told any one other than my own best friend and a counselor but never into detail. It's definitely affected me most of my life. It's gotten to me so much at times that I've thought of taken my life and attemped once. I do think the reason I tend to butt heads with my mom is because of this secret. But then again I don't want to tell her because she is so senstive and I don't know how to tell her and I don't want to ruin her long friendship. Anyway just wanted to vent, maybe get some advice.

LuckyEmpath 10/18/2017

Hello paythesoul32, welcome to the group. I am very sorry for what happened to you and, yes, it was sexual abuse. If this boy was 15/16 he knew exactly what he was doing with you which is shameful. My personal feeling is that if you felt abused then you WERE abused. Your feelings are telling you how wrong it was that he did this and they are telling you how violated you felt by his actions. Your feelings are what matter most.

I also felt my mother was too sensitive to tell but my therapist kept saying "She is an adult and can handle the truth". It is very common for those of us who have survived abuse to want to protect others from the horrors we endured. But, as my therapist says, your mother is an adult and she can handle the truth of what happened to you. It is not your job to protect her - it was her job to protect you. Please do consider telling your mother because it is very unfair for you to have to see this guy at all. You deserve support and you deserve to heal. I am not sure if you are still seeing a counselor but if you are not I would urge you to do so. It is possible to heal from what happened and you do deserve to heal.

paythesoul32 10/18/2017

Thanks for your comment. I am not seeing a counselor anymore, and am considering telling my mother sometime...hopefully sooner than later. I just have to find the bravery to do so. Your words are really helpful. xx

rt1126 10/19/2017

I agree with Lucky. If you felt abused than you were. From you shared it sounds like it was very scary, shameful and confusing. I am sorry you went through that.

rt1126 10/19/2017

I agree with Lucky. If you felt abused than you were. From what you shared it sounds like it was very scary, shameful and confusing. I am sorry you went through that.

paythesoul32 10/19/2017

Thank you rt1126. I appreciate it.

Mr..Bee 03/21/2019

Moral, Physical, Mental, abuse and more important the loss of innocence which people do not seem to attribute much to. A crime under any circumstances.

Being a person who has been abused a lot, I sympathise whole heartedly.

Big but, are humans really humane... I fear not...
What is humane?
From what I understand of life is that people whom that have suffered no abuse are shockingly disconnected from the world we perceive.

ACGN1234 04/20/2019

Hi, Im not sure I am really one to give advice, but reading your post made me think back to how hard it was for me to open up to my grandmother about what my father, her son, did to me for many years. I know it is hard, you begin to feel guilty, thinking about what it could do to your abuser, and what it could do to the other people you are being honest with, I wont tell you it was easy, it was hard. But the feeling I had after I told her was relief. It didn't go exactly as I had thought after telling her, and I wish I would've talked to her about it a little more in depth, but being honest was an amazing feeling for me. No one can make the decision for you, you have to be ready to do it on your own, it took me quite awhile to work up the courage. But when you do, and I am sure one day you will be able to, you'll embrace the feeling you get from it. My best advice is to just dive in, you think about it too much you'll never do it.

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