I just realized yesterday that the very few long term relationships I have had have ended or gone bad because of sex. I can run the gamut from being hypersexual to no desire at all. No one phase has ever lasted for long (exception being the past couple of years I spent very depressed and on antidepressants which killed my sex drive)

I am not in a relationship right now. I am not ready for one and tho I get awfully lonely sometimes I know I couldn't handle it.

Yesterday I kinda flashed back on past experiences:

I had a pretty active sex life with my late husband but there were times when I was tired. His response to me saying no was to get angry. Sometimes he would hop out of bed, get in his car and squeal tires out of the driveway. Other times he would get out of bed and angrily stomp around.

Other men in my life had responded in a similar way when turned down. I would try to just grit my teeth and give in....many times i did and the anger and resentment built up. I would lie there in a quiet rage. I think I could have killed him.

I have asked other women about this......about men getting upset that they can't get laid and most said , yes, it happens to them too. The difference is that none ever mentioned that it bothered them. For me it is a deal breaker. My body is mine. I do with it what I want. My body does not belong to anyone else. I don't have to let them stick their dick in me or touch me all over or feel their nasty skin.

I have been known to grudge f**k. Some guy pesters me for sex, keeps whining for it. He doesn't want to give me time to feel comfortable. What do I do? I screw him to the best of my ability. Pull out all the stops. Give him the best night of his life then tell him to f**k off. He keeps calling....why don't i see him he whines. Because he is an asshat httas why. He got what he wanted. He will never know me.

I have some rage moving in me right now.