Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Take his Money or send him to Jail?

getnbedr
getnbedr
I feel GREAT about confronting my dad over xmas about him sexually abusing me. the load has been LIFTED!!! SO... now i am wondering where to go from here. i told him there WILL be consequences. That he WILL pay one way or another: either criminal/civil/financial??? He responded by saying, "tell me what i can do for you?" HA! I'll tell you what you can do for me... you can go jump off a bridge! LOL But seriously guys what do you think??? I know what he meant, he is saying how much money do you want? The real deal is, I have no retirement savings. and he has quite a large sum. i know he is willing to settle out of court. but i am not sure thats what i want. i cant see myself spending his money. but i have no financial security for the future either. part of me wants him to suffer the way i have for the past 40 years, he can go to jail, who cares, and part of me is like... i dont know, he is my dad, and 65 years old. prison/jail would kill him. so what do you's think... what would you do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
In my healing process, what I have found is that it is NOT about my perpetrators, it is all about ME. me, me, me, me, me. When dealing with my dad who physically abused me, I did a confrontation...to my surprise I received a SINCERE apology....my father and I have been healing....and 3 years after the confrontation I realized that I had finally forgiven him for the abuse. Now that I am dealing with the sexual abuse (at the hands of my babysitter), I have no option of doing a confrontation. Yet at the same time, I have no anger toward my babysitter. There is simply no emotion towards her whatsoever. I simply do not feel anything at all. It is as if she does not exist. Why do I feel this way? It is because I have removed the power from my perpetrator and given the power back to me, where it belongs. My perpetrator has no power over me anymore. That is why there is no anger, there is no hate. I will not ever forgive, yet I have taken away her power. So my suggestion to you is to do whatever you need to do to regain your own sense of power. Only you know what that is. Good Luck!
Shai
Shai
what would sending her abuser do for her?? well, i can't speak for her, but for me, i'd feel A WHOLE LOT safer knowing that he was LOCKED AWAY!

maybe THEN i could learn to truly forgive him. i confronted my abuser and you know what he told me?

he said, YEAH, WE BOTH KNOW WHAT I DID. BUT SO WHAT? I'VE GIVEN YOU ALL THE F*CKEN SORRY'S I COULD GIVE BUT THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH. ALL OF THIS IS B*LLSH*T.

he had his new gf e-mail me as well, saying all this stuff about what he did to me has brough them CLOSER. and then he tells me that HE IS THE SH*T (meaning he's invincible).

he thinks that what he's done is in the "past" so it's okay now. he thinks that because he's told me "sorry" a hundred times, i'll forget about what he did and my life and the relationship we once had will go back to normal again. WRONG.

he's said SORRY...but my life hasn't gone back to the way it once was. so what now??

i still say press charges, sue him, then see if you can forgive him. if you don't feel comfortable taking his money, donate it (like BeachBum suggested).
getnbedr
getnbedr
RIGHT ON! I COULDNT AGREE MORE! THANKS SHAI! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU FELT THE NEED TO APOLOGIZE, YOUR RESPONSE WAS MY FAVORITE... I COULDNT AGREE MORE... FUCK HIM! LOL
getnbedr
getnbedr
and thank you everyone. ALL your feedback really helps me to think and process and helps me in my decision making process, but ultimately it is my choice, my decision, and i have to live with it, so i am in no rush, but i DO appreciate everyones feed back!!! You guys are great! Thanks!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
send him to jail. Money may buy you nice things but sending him to jail will give you your confidence back and your power back. Accepting his money allows him to control you again. control you by not getting you to take him to court and control you to keep your mouth shut like you have for so many years. Now that you found your voice keep talking. Talk his ass to court. Talk his ass to jail. Take back your control! Take back your life.