I'd send him to jail and sue him for the years you've had to suffer.

I know it's hard cuz he's your dad, but he should NEVER have done that to you in the first place!

send him to jail and then go for civil action for damages, kill two birds with one stone

send him to prison. Money cant make you feel better but him paying for what he did in prison will give you a sense of justice. Also he will be very embarassed about what he did, when it is public.

I agree with Shai and Freeflow. Giving you hush money doesn't really punish him for the abuse you endured and it doesn't keep him away from other children. The money will help you in the long run, whether it be for retirement or to help fund counseling. But he also needs to be punished for what he did to you. My therapist mentioned a civil suit if a criminal one never happens, and at first I thought I'd never want his money, but then I thought why should I have to pay for all the therapy that he's caused me to need? So we'll see.

no money can ever be spent in hurt - it will alleiviate the situation for now, which is what your thoughts have done until now - it's dirty money, you'll make your own - tell him to go fuck and you will be the parent to yourself that he never was! (sorry emotional response - but one day it has to start with you - before all of it, before all of it and before all of it! look into the mirror and work on it from here on in - and not what has stared you in the face for years xxxxxxxxxxxx

I think u should ask your self what satisfation you want out of this? Is sending him 2 jail gonna make you happy or is money gonna do that all i would see is misrey. Dont get me wrong i dont agree with what his done to you {i was abused by my dad} but i think the best revenge is you showing him that you have made a life for youe self and have moved on.

I feel like the best thing is to send him to jail, and then file civil suit. DO NOT take money from him outside of court. That's his way of keeping you quiet, and escaping consequence. You'll feel stronger if you send his worthless ass to prison.

If he is convicted of a crime in criminal court, it would be easier to prove damages and recieve compensation in a civil court. That assumes he'll have any money left after spending it on his defense in the criminal trial.

However, keep in mind that in 90% of the cases, the side which spends the most money prevails. I have been known to say that in the US today, every one is innocent until proven broke.

I agree with crusty, if he's proven guilty in criminal court, then give him the double whammy and take him for all his got......Can't say for all his worth, because if he sexually molested you, he's not worth shit.

I took my abuser to court, he was 95 at the time.....i chose to request that he stayed out of jail....and i must admit there are days I regret that...however, all I wanted from him was admission of his actions in writing....I got that, and he plead guilty as well.

going through the court system helped me because it validated me...and let many people know that I am not the liar that he was accusing me of.

I got money out of him as well....and he made front page news here.

The money had no meaning to me, and it felt like blood money....that there was some umm repercussions on him...that was good.

I still say send him to jail. If you decide to file a civil suit and are uncomfortable with using the money, you could donate it to a charity for sexual abuse victims.

my brother who molested me, gave me money when i was broke, a little bit like 2 grand, then he moved to my area, when i turned 49, and asked for the money back, he knew i had no way to retaliate, after 48, so, remember that,the law only protects victums up to 48,i told him off, the money was money, i didn't put a value on it, i took it, because i was about to lose everything, but i was appauled when he asked for it back, i am a single mom, he has no children and i am disabled, proably from the stress of sexual abuse. i even told him so, that if he knew what he put me through he wouldn't be asking me for money, no remorse, it's like a form of sociapathic, behaviour,that is why alot of sexual abusers, are popular, they seem to have a socialpathic profile.anyways, i think you should do what you are comfortable with, money is money, i never pressed charges, but then when he asked for that money back, i realized he had no remorse

this may sound counter intuitive, but can you find a place in yourself to forgive him, so you can move on? you will still be angry if he goes to jail or you get $, you need to find forgiveness, with appropriate boundaries. I bet he has abuse issues he could not, for whatever reason, process.

Easier said than done I know, but forgive him for YOU not for him.

You know... I would love so VERY much to send EVERYONE that ever abused me to jail. Although what would that do for me? Would that be considered justice? There are some moments where and 'eye for an eye' is NOT the way to go.
The entire reason you confronted him was not to let him know that he did that to you, it was to empower you to move on.

I think the most damaging thing you could EVER do to him, is forgive him.... then tell him why you forgive him. He sounds like a man that likes to hide what is truly going on with him, from the ones the support and admire him.
If you do this, now he will be forced to relive all of the trauma that made him do that to you... you will probably see him break down right in front of you.
I am not saying this to be vengeful, this action will free you and possibly make him deal with his issues. There is no greater feeling than helping someone express what has been destroying them all of their lives.

I think he deserves this from his child... I think you deserve to be free... as immissworld said, what would sending him to jail do for you?


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I think you have answered your own question. You have said you would have trouble spending his money. I therefore dont see that as an option. I am going through the process of taking my abuser to court, it is not easy and you need support. I have found a lot of support here at DS. We can tell you how we feel and maybe what we would do in your place BUT on you know what you need to do. Whatever you decide I am here for you. Good Luck Sharon