I am finding it very difficult to allow myself to believe I was raped by my father as a little child. Therapy has been going well and I've made many strides but as soon as I make them, I like to "forget" them so I can keep living my life as a "regular" person.  Except, for the fact that my ultimate goal in therapy is to be intimate with my husband and feel safe. I don't even like kissing. Today, my therapist nailed it by helping me realize it is penetration that I can't tolerate bc it evokes memories or rape and/or body memories. So, I avoid it altogether. It's weird because I enjoy tongue kissing but only for a few seconds and I make myself stop. I enjoy orgasm but I won't let myself feel comfortable enough with my husband to even attempt to achieve one. I rarely have sex and when I do, it's out of "obligation" despite having enjoyed it before the memories all surfaced. I have 2 children; luckily I get pregnant easy so it didn't take much practice. I have to be willing to deal with the rape I went through as a child by my father and I am stuck in a state of disbelief. Any advice how to acknowledge it better?  I don't even feel angry (though I was full of rage as a child) when I talk about it because I alternate disbelief with physical disgust.